by beat_andthepulse
TOO SHORT! Love the play between Connor and Audra so far. More soon to come I hope!!! Now would be great =^_^= PK
Love this! It is similar to something I wrote myself (not published on here), but with added werewolf, so I am loving it. I am kinda kicking myself now, for not doing the same LOL. Cant wait for the next chapter
I like your premise.
Please post some more (and hopefully longer) chapters soon!
Putting the thoughts they send to each other in italics or something might aleviate any possible confusion later on.
Just a thought...
on your first submission to Lit. I think you did a really nice job w/this first chapter and I'm eager to see where you take it from here.
Again congrats and I wish you much success as a now "published" author.
SHORT... but GOOD... NEED MOAR! LONGAIR! FAZZZZTTRRR!!
but on a serious note, great work, for first submission here on LR I congratulate you on such a great first piece, if I might add, it was a BIT rushed in transition, IE you left out any/all conversation between the alpha and his siblings especially the "listening post" portion that his brother played, usually interactions between others besides the main couple makes for a more interesting and gripping story then having them already seem as 3rd wheels in the first chapter :P
dont let my thoughts deter you however, i eagerly await CH02!
Good start for a first time submission. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for the comments on my first post. I am realizing now that I did everything ass-backwards. I should have found an editor, really worked on the fine details. I completely agree about the italics. :)
I think I was just so eager to put something up that I just had to do it before I scared myself away. I'm working on the next, LONGER chapter. Again, I appreciate the feedback.
Happy Halloween!!! :)
Welcome to Literotica. Your editing is much better than most first time writers, please don't be discouraged by any nit picky comments.
I look forward to more...hopefully in the near future!
Welcome! Your story is exellent, I am looking forward to the development. Please dont keep us waiting too long!!
As was said before, do not let nit pickers dissuade you from writing more. There are many great volunteer editors on the site that can help you if you feel you need it. Your story has a wonderful beginning and I eagerly await more chapters. hugs, Kate
We got a good feel for the main characters. You made them personable and likable and you did some setup for the next chapters with the construction company. I'm not sure what the conflict/problem will be yet but I'm looking forward to finding out.
Well done.
You said that Connor was 32 then Graham states that his brother has been waiting for his mate for more than hundred years that makes the story contradictory otherwise an excellent start m off to read the next chapter....
werewolves age so than humans,so the 32 was for audra so she wouldn't freak and say "you're crazy!".thats why the age is different!!
Haha so far very interesting ..... Hope to see you write more.... I really like the story :) keep it up please :D