All Comments on 'Surprise Surprise Ch. 01'

by kinkyromance

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  • 10 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
Good start //////

Now .... don't let them freak out or anything ... they are STEP siblings and sex is okay!

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
Constructive criticism

Your plot is ok and believable. You may want to check how you switch viewpoints (who is telling/thinking what) Your use of pronouns is at times mixed up.

:)

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
Well writen

I like the ending, but it would help to differentiate when one character has stopped thinking and the other begins.

jthardyjthardyover 12 years ago
Pronouns

As in previous user comments your use of pronouns is disturbing but the plot is believable so please continue the story

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
English Grammer

Decide on a "tense" and stay with it. Switching back and forth is disturbing 4 the reader. Grammer, grammer, grammer! Only one subject line per paragraph.

ValygrlValygrlover 12 years ago
Omg how dare you!

You got me all hot and excited and then just ended it. Please post the second chapter soon. Arg this is exactly why I love to hate cliff hangers they get you all excited then make you wait. Oh and take the other comments with a grain of salt. This is not an assignment for an English Composition course it's a story on a free website.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
DELETE OR FINISH

either delete or finish but don't leave it like this and use a damn editor from now on.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago

Whaaaaaaat?! Where's part two dangit!! :(

Rapier875Rapier875almost 8 years ago
Nooooooo !

Where's chapter 2 ?

I just hate it when stories are never completed.

Rancher46Rancher46over 1 year ago

I hate it when an author starts a great story and then leaves it unfinished and the reader hanging. 2/5

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