by chibicakes
Loved it! A good start that has me looking forwards to the next chapter. Hope I don't have to wait to long.
Oh please tell me you are a quick poster, cause Im sooo hooked already! Need Need Need the next chapter!
It was a very good start, the only thing bothering me, were the coming and going between 1st and 3rd person without a notice.
Nice start...I can't wait for the next installment! :)
Cheers! (:
Certainly did leave me with a "wanting to read more" feeling. Keep it up!
Off to a good start! Man, the drama is already brewing, lol. Can't wait for more. :)
You have to update soon please you just have to. I LOOOOOOOVE IT!!!!!!! U can't wait to read it. PLEASE update soon.
...you keep going with this story. Nice way too start.
I hope the chapters come quick and are possibly a little longer.
Some authors wait weeks or even months in between chapters and the stories lose some of the appeal for me.
But this story line sounds VEEERRRY interesting.
Thank you everyone for your lovely comments. Part 2 will be submitted within the next few days so keep a look out.
xoxo
C.
hehe a great start loving it so far! And gosh! Why can't we all just get along... homophobes smh!!!
Love this so far and can't wait to see what happens next. Particularly like that we get to see the story unfold from both Damien's and Keith's perspectives. And very excited that chapter 2 is nearly done! Can I be a bit cheeky though and suggest you get an editor or proofreader? Your writing is very good, which means the occasional typo really stands out. Looking forward to reading more from you!
MORE MORE MORE!!!
This is a great beginning and i'm really interested in the next chapter.
Happy Writing and looking forward to reading more from you :D
I'm hooked, too. Drat. I'm getting no work done.
Well done on your plot Chibicakes. I'm very interested in seeing where this goes. One suggestion I would make would be to watch your POV, you swapped from first to third quite a few times in this. Pick one and stick with it for the entire story, or alternate third with secondary characters if you only want to use first person for a single character and are swapping which character you are following either Damien or Keith. Otherwise avoid mixing the 2 POV formats, swapping back and forth in a section for a single character is very confusing for readers.
You get your introductions done with fast and hard, no hanging about, this could actually have been a bit longer and given us a bit more about the brother sister relationship and Damien's dreams but it's given me a taste for the story. On to part two...
But it needs more character descriptions and motivations behind the plot. Please update with another chapter soon.
the switch from third to first person threw me for six, but apart from that....yes, please, keep going, i like a lot.
To anyone who reads this,
Don't you feel really odd that the last update by the author was in early 2012?
I just hope that everything is fine with the guy..
If anyone has any knowledge of things, please let me and the readers know..