by chibicakes
Love this story. I like the coplexity of their relationship. Cant wait for the next chapter! '_'
Really like this story. Just wish the chapters were a little longer. Or posted quicker.
I'm impatient & can't wait to see what kind of happy ending you give these two.
It's getting very interesting with Damien coming into some powers since meeting his mate in Keith.
Keep up the great work.
Such night and day. I love Grams and how she has it all figured out. Looking forward to the next chapter.
I really like this story a lot. My only criticism is that I felt Keith did a 180 from the first chapter to this one. In the first chapter, he was a little amazed that his mate was a male. He hit on Damien (bought him drinks, asked him out, and ignored the girls. Then saved his life and defended Damien to his brothers. This chapter he's upset that his mate is a fag. I found his reaction to come out of left field. I just don't think these two chapters mesh at all. Maybe if Keith had a little more internal struggle with is mate being a male in the first chapter, it would help back up his negative reaction to Damien's kiss in this chapter.
Totally loved grams.....what a hoot!! Pink hair??? ROTFL. ;) Everyone needs a grandma like that. ;)
Yup *nods head* Keith needs to get his head on straight. His words were mean and hurtful. And OMG Gram is a hoot, pink hair and all, LOL! Funny as hell and special, too, it seems. Hmm... very, very interesting plot you got going! :)
Love this couple love the complexity of their relationship looking foward to the next chapter
Too good, too short
But it's ok.. Thanks for sharing this with us
...this chapter needed a little more thinking about. Your dialogue is good and I like the internal conversations going on in Damien's head but Keith should either have been more compromised in chapter one or less homophobic in chapter two. If you rewrite this, it might help to make the first chapter a bit more balanced between the POVs of Keith and Damien so we know more about their backgrounds before the fight (which is a bit of a lovestory cliche, but I'll let that slide for the moment). Also a bit more mention of the fact that Damien and Jo were raised by their Gramma in chapter one, as she kind of drops on us in this one. Love her character, tho! I hope she's in more of the story. *grin*
Please keep it coming, I can't wait to see what happens next.
Loving this! Can't wait for the next chapter. Keep it up chino. Mush.
Xoxo
~ Night
Ok haha sorry. My auto correct had an orgasm. It was supposed to say chibi and muah. Not chino and mush. Rofl. Don't hate me. Hahaha
Night
X2 xoxo for my bad
Great chapter although a lot of info is needed. I am sure you are getting there. Are we patient or what....not. Looking for more.
Just keep an eye on point of view. The switching between first and third person is distracting from the flow of the story. Pick a point of view and make sure you dilligently stick to it :)
I like the story overall. The only thing I would say is that you could slow down a bit. I think you glazed over the fight so quickly that we didn't get a description of how it went. I would have liked for Damien to say 'I looked towards the men and they were floating a foot of the ground' or however you'd want to describe it. It just said the guy's hand let go of his neck but I assumed it was Keith who stopped them. Overall, I like the story alot. The characters are interesting and you do a good job of describing them. Hope to see more soon!
I want to know what Dammy's special power is that he can pin Keith against the wall.
I thought it had great bones. Just want to read the rest.Hope we
don't have to wait too long. Great Read!!!!!!
I can't wait for another chapter to this story!! Any time soon??
Wonderful, yes needs proofreading, but good flow. Hope to read more soon.
i really really REAAALLLYYY hope that there is more to this!!!! I'm like sitting here looking at the screen waiting for the next chpter, to just go poof and be there lol.. i truly loooved this story!! I really hope that theres more!!!
This is a great story, and I can't wait to read what happens next. You're doing just fine without an editor.
Love this story. Grams is an awesome character. Can't wait for the next chapter! :D
Pretty good so far, but I do think it would be even better with an editor. I signed up as an editor, so take a look at my profile if you are interested. And keep writing!
Work a bit on your tenses, please don't make the main character oblivious to his "charm" and if the sister turns out to be the villain I will cry...
But beyond that the story is sounding fantastic. original idea, setting, and families, I love your two main characters and Grams seems like a most fascinating character too!
Stories really great but hurry with the next fuckin chapter! Omgs it's taking too long!! Luv the story and it's killing me to find out what will happen next.
loving grams this will be a great story i can already tell cant wait for the rest but dont rush to soon just for the fans make the rest great like the beginning.
Your title said a 2-part series. I hope you didn't mean just two chapters. Great story, by the way. I can't wait to see how Damien's "talent" fully develops and how it'll affect his and Keith's relationship (outside of the "fag" issue).
I'm suspecting that grandma is aware of the latent power(s) that Damien is coming in to, if she already saw Keith's arrival for some time now ("took you long enough"). I'm hoping somewhere back in Damien's family history, that there might be a warlock, druid or mage ancestor responsible. Oh, the possibilities! But hey, it's your story. Please, just don't end it here.
please I need my next fix of black forrest panthers your story is deliciously enticing please post more chapters!!
I am really excited for the next installment, but it's been forever! Put me out of my misery please.
or something , writers block, or just making us sweat ...PLEASE
let us know SOON when or if there will be a next chapter
I really wish writers would stop abandoning stories. Especially good works, yes I know real life happens. Just maybe wait until the story is written out and finish before putting it on the internet.
A senior in high school starting out in the last trimester with nearly no friends and now a mate that hates me, "Great....Just fucking great." - So Keith is pregnant?
OMG! this story is so freaking good! hehe! looking forward to the next installment of chapter..s..? hopefully more than one? =DDD
I agree with the others. So many good writers with great stories just seem to abandon the story. I am not a writer. I am a reader who reads everything. I am often disappointed when great story is left to die. I hope you find your way back to this story. I will keep an eye out just in case. Good luck
This is a good story so far and I like your style of writing so I really hope you find the time to complete the story at some point.
I hope this is not another story that I am going to run across that never gets to be finished. So far its such an really good story and your off to a great start. Hope that you get a chapter out soon..but I doubt we will see anything and that's just sad. I understand that life get's in the way and I have NO room to complain cause I am not a writer but don't but a chapter or two out there if your not going to finish strong! Hope you prove us wrong!
Great start! I really hope you will finish the story. It's very good so far.
I don't think that this story will eever get finished what so ever it has been over a year already.
i got it from another authors favorite Cia81 she has great stories complete and in sequels hoping this one gets running again best est luck loved this story
I would love to see this story be developed further. Such a beautiful beginning begs for more.
It's been way too long since the last episode posted!
Its been over three years now... Waiting. Waiting and waiting 4 u 2 finish this story..
I can't wait to finish reading this!! Please finish this story I Iove where it's going and want to find out what happens.
Will u plz continue, or allow someone else to finish....such a good start to be left undone....cbentley1974@gmail.com
Please continue the story, I canĀ“t wait to read more :)
Great I can feel the emotion and really wish you would continue a nice and well thought out story.
Man... Am waiting forever for updates..... Hope you update soon, am kinda getting impatient....
To anyone who reads this,
Don't you feel really odd that the last update by the author was in early 2012?
I mean, I hope everything is alright with the guy..
If anyone has any knowledge, do let me and the readers know..
a shame it is one of those unfinished ones that drive me crazy! It was a promising start :(