All Comments on 'Her Niece Saved Me'

I hate conniving sluts.

I am so glad she and everyone else went to jail.

Great story.

Pure fantasy but relaxing! Thanks for all the unnecessary warnings, Scorpio.

As long as you do not put those bits about group marriages your stuff is delicious.

The plot and the scenes were childish at best.

If this story was a baseball player , it would be Jaime Moyer who is a veteran pitcher getting by and often thriving on guile & ability to catch his opponents flatfooted thru change of pace on his pitches. No great scenes in this story but no real weak ones either.

Now I don't know much about uninspired or immature, but I do know that I enjoyed this story. The plot was straight forward and the pace was quick. I truly appreciate stories exuding emotion, complex plots and sophisticated characters. But this story was just a fun read.

I really never understood the impulse to screw the ex one final time, or in this case, the last BJ. Did he forget he has a new girlfriend? If she's such a terrible person, why would you want her to do it, and how could you even get it up for it? Unless he had a sudden impulse to lower himself as close to her level as he could...

That last scene did only one thing for me...made me think that perhaps he deserved a little of what she was doing to him, because obviously if he isn't a complete asshole, he definitely has quite a few asshole genes in his DNA.

Yeah, revenge, I get it. Putting her in prison and leaving her penniless when she gets out eventually is revenge plenty. Taking a dump in the suitcase, and demanding the BJ, well, that's just his asshole genes jumping to the foreground...

Thanks for the great read I really enjoyed it. Now looking for whats next.

Why do so many think it makes a good story to have a cheating, conniving wife and a vengeful husband?

Spite and degragation do not make for a "Loving Wife" (or husband) and therefore should not be in this category.

It's so removed from reality I can't see the point. Thanks for writing.

You would think that he'd want a more personal piece of revenge against his brother. Once the wife is gone and divorced then she's gone but his brother will always be his brother and they will still be connected through other family whether he wants it or not.

After the deluge of wimp/cuckold garbage in this category, a story like this is a refreshing and much needed change. Thanks, and keep on writing.

after the last few days of vomit emitted by this site a few good stories have leaked through their P/C censors. your tale is both sad but hopeful no one was injured but justice somewhat prevailed.and most important I A MAJORITY OF ONE liked it

missed the 'Stang. Good tale.

This was a good story. It's nice to see that there are a few men left.

Scorpio44a in the house. He slapped that bitch down

I would go to the movies to see this story played out.

DOESNT ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST IF THE WORST IS FIRST,, TK U MLJ LV NV

Naturaly SS06's story is much better quality, but I rarly give less stars as 5 stars for a revenge story. So 5 stars.

Scorp does it again. In 2-3/4 pages, he lays out a wonderful story. This man has talent. I wish I lived next door to him, so we could sit and tell each other stories all day long. // Romantic1

I absolutely loved it. I swear to God the only thing wrong with this story is that the ford should have been maybe thirty years newer. Hm what kind of car did Ford start making in 64? Anyway excellent job. I'm saving this one to read over! It had everything revenge, and a newer better woman to live well with. Kudos SS06

Get real, just another fantasy story, the things you people write about couldn't and wouldn't happen, i always liked your stories but now you are becoming just another fantasy writer.

Always glad to see a decent non-wimp fiction story - although the clucks & fags will piss & moan about the ending, "to-fucking-bad"! Thanks author!

huecuck, Random, ped0 Sandusky, cuckeye, poopchoot will complain about the lack of hardcore cucking and the fact the wife wasn't mutilated and disfigured before being killed. Oh well, can't please everybody! Good story.

BTW SW_MO_Hermit 's Romantic Revenge Story is on the SOL. That story might be here on LW. X_JohnDoe_X's Romantic Revenge Story was on the SOL 1 week ago. What a pity, because we can discuss about the stories here

Are a song and dance man with a pen. Very entertaining story. Thanks for sharing and keep them coming.

Ludicrous premise and one-dimensional characters can't overcome stilted dialogue and unoriginality. Feeble attempt by an author who can, and has, done better.

Overall I enjoyed the tale, but certainly could have done without the defactation.

Note, maybe some more attention to editing would be nice. For example, in the second paragraph you wrote "less that" rather than "less than". Also there appears to be needless hyphenating; girl-friend for girlfriend, boy-friend for boyfriend, and good-bye for goodbye.

Thanks for taking the time to write and share the story.

A little lite and hurried, but fun to read. Please take more time and "flesh" things out more. Don't be afraid to use three or four or five pages if needed. And what's with all these Ford Lovers starting to habitate this site?

YOU ASKED FOR COMMENTS AND THERE WAS NO WAY TO PUBLISH OPEN COMMENTS, I SENT YOU AN EMAIL ON YOUR BIO-CONTACT PAGE, 1ST OF ALL THROW THAT WOMAN OUT OF YOUR LIFE ASAP, TK U MLJ LV NV

Totally unrealistic.

Fun little tale, I enoyed reading it -thanks for writing & looking forward to more

zed0 the ped0 sandusky liked it and wanted 3-4 more pages, probably for a shower scene with young boys knowing how ped0 rolls....

I agree with the readers who want more substance; don't understand why this character in this setting wants - or would even tolerate - a bj from this woman; and would nix the defecation. Among other things, it gives the lie to the man the new girlfriend and presumably your readers, think him to be. And then there is the brother; another thread ripe for development.

Ah, and one more thing - I much prefer your stories where the guy has a clue that something is missing from his marriage. Has he been totally wrapped up in his business life? If so, tell us. All in all, I rather hope you go over this another time or two and give your story more depth.

A lot of fun - quick - dirty - and just nicely done heh.

Not a big mind bender but a nice diversion - thank you my friend as always -

Hell, I loved it ! Write some more.

This was like a really cold beer on a hot humid august day,,,,,,,.refreshing ! ! !

I am Scorpios avid reader and this story feels not up to this author usual standards. A little childish, petulant and not developed properly. But that's just me. So I awarded this a 4 instead of 5.

But this story arc leaves me a bit cold. It is totally unsurprising that you were also the author of 'G is for Greed'. In that story, I commented that the protagonist walked on stage, married wife one, watched her walk, married wife two...then had wife one wheel him from place to place like he was a cripple. There was no conflict because everything was handled for him by her: the money, the revenge, the vacations.

Please excuse me for the comparison, but the only other tale I recall similar to this was a Matt Moreau story. The man rescued a homeless girl, she ran away, he married a cunt, and she cuckolded him. One short period where the man finds himself homeless, the homeless girl, now rich, comes back and magically fixes everything.

That was G is for Greed and that was this story as well. The hero did nothing. There was no conflict. Hence, there was no story.

I would have preferred that the revenge would have been drawn out in more detail and that his wife and his brother would have groveled and begged for forgiveness and THEN he could really blister them with words. That's all.

The narrator felt like a MacGuffin for a list of things Brenda did. Also, Brenda says she got to know him and what sort of man he was, but the story didn't show that happening. We just have to take her word for it. I think that saying "show, don't tell" is good advice for improving this story.

Finally, the FBI Man - really the Bureau in general - seemed overinvolved.

Five Stars, Old friend! Keep on keepin' on.

That last blow job was a nice touch.

Improvement suggestion: expand and add more detail on the arrest / jail section. Maybe add a 1year lat bit for the new couple.

Thx

Problem was... well cant quite put my finger on it.

Think it was the flow.

Seemed a bit.... stiff. Almost as if things were a bit forced.

Made it hard to try and connect with the characters.

Thanks for the offering.

This was beyond betrayal. This was criminal. I would have liked more detail but it was still an excellent tale.

I think it's a great tale just the way it is. I'll grant that you could have fleshed it out a little more if you wanted to make it a long story, but for a one-chapter piece I think it's very good. Thank you for sharing it with us.

That half way through this story Scorpio got bored with it and said "To hell with it, one more 4 sentence paragraph, and I`m done with it!"

with a little help from his friends, inlaws and friendly law enforcement, TK U MLJ LV NV

Did you just get tired of writing at the end?

When they get out of prison is it too much to hope for that he made arrangements for them to find the rest of their lives will be spent in a series of disasters that will ensure that they remain broke and unemployed for the rest of their miserable lives?

I love this story. The plot is different from all the others. Keep writing.

A oversexed kid wrote this story. BADD

I think therefore I am blah blah blah, blah blah. I had to put some thought in that!

She couldn't keep her mouth shut and had to brag like some stupid men. Goes to show you even lesbians act just like the lowdown men they are replacing. As with life there's good and bad so it shouldn't surprise you there are lowdown lesbians trying to take advantage of good people.

I'm still trying to figure out the Ped thing there were no children in the story! Unless that reader didn't understand the story about the Niece

(She was a grown woman).

Overall this is a good story!

It needs the include the reaction to the arrest and divorce. The ending was rather anti-climactic.

There was a lot of presumptive shit in the story that I let pass but saying, "Th- th-that's all folks", instead of giving us a detailed wrap up of what happened and how it all ended dropped the story from 4 stars to 3.

This was lazy writing.... not to mention fucking dumb. Scorpio isn't a newbie and should KNOW better than to shit in his readers' faces.

I know you like to have readers comment. For me I have a hard time with comments but I rally enjoy your stories. Keep writing, as for this story I enjoyed it a lot!

Wow what a Bitch! Glad you hung the horses collar on her! Thanks for sharing this Fantastic Story with us! ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

Oh Oh Oh! Few years ago my brother and I went into our suburban Pharmacy (we lived in a small country town) any way one of the local village bikes worked there, she was bending over putting fuck knows on the bottom shelf? To enter the Chemist you had to walk up 2 steps Brian and I being street level looked straight at her naked pussy! Not faltering he said Fuck that looks like a Horses collar all we need is a saddle and spurs and we can ride it! True story BYE

Four stars.

Pretty good, yet sucking him off at the end was a bit much and unnecessary.

Who would say, "suck me off and I'll let you steal all my money and get away". Who would be stupid enough to believe it if they were told that?

Also, the FBI would be arresting the folks who sold the hot goods, so they would be out no money they couldn't track and retrieve. If it turns out they were innocent 3rd parties, still no money lost by FBI.

Yeah right, FBI special agent would be carousing around blabbing with witnesses.

Way too many stupid and unbelievable things in this story.

Maybe not the deepist, most realistic story on LW, but still a good yarn.

You got to be kidding the FBI would never buy his car and watch him get a blowjob. The whole set up was ridiculous.

It might not be great literature but it sure is a first class "Burn the Bitch" story!

The most important thing in any Literotica story is that betrayal has concequences!

If you are reading just to get your jollies find a different location than this.

I guess you are probably one of the perverts who think it's not betrayal if she tells you she's going to do it!

Important phrase "Keeping only unto him, forsaking all others!" Ignore that and it's betrayal. It really should still be a capital offence.

Actually a pretty good story. A unique premise that made it very interesting. I did think the ending was rushed though. Another page giving some details of Denise’s arrest and trial, maybe a little more of his and Brenda’s relationship, would have been welcome.

How did such a decent, fair-minded, helpful, loving daughter come from a mother and association with an aunt who were devious, manipulative, mean, greedy and criminal?

Anyway, entertaining 5 star story.

Paul in Oklahoma

Difference between 4 and 5 in your story

Not longer but put gaps in time and give him time to adjust to betrayal and time for new relationship

How to deal with gaps in the timeline?

Seen many different ways in stories

Mystery romance western sci-fi etc

Different authors handle it differently and great ones leave no holes in the story

I have to thing Thematchthatburns is mentally deranged. Do you even listen to yourself, idiot? Go back to the kid's table while the adults talk.

Your right! I am deranged!

No body has a gun to their head forcing them to get married!

But if you do so, there are consequences for betraying your partner! Both the "Talmud" and holy Koran the books that are the core of civilisation suggest the punishment for "Adultery" is death.

When you have lived in the real world for seven decades you to can join the adults.

I guess you read these stories for the stimulation to wank!

If you were to THINK instead of "thing" about what you write we might be more impressed!

It was a somewhat awkwardly done, the niece shows up to help and then "decides" she loves him, also no insight into why his brother betrays him. Is his brother's dumb enough to run behind a wife that not only cheats on her husband with his brother but who tells him that she's using him to steal her husband's wealth. Not enough of a relationship that Roger would call his brother, bring along the FBI agent, take "bruh" into custody and explain how they both were played? They could have faked letting the brother help to avoid prosecution and keep him from calling his sister-in-law, but no. Oddly done for its all being left unsaid.

Really bad. Badly told. Everything just falls into place for the man. And the niece decides she wants to love him....

This was a good story but it ended far too quickly. The bit at the end with him showing up at their celebratory orgy and having her blow him was kind of silly. Everything before that was well done, though, and I enjoyed him and Brenda as characters. Just wish it had ended with a summation of what happened to all the criminals, especially his brother, the backstabbing jackass. Would have been nice to have witnessed more of Roger and Brenda's romance, as well. Still, good effort.

Great story

But she can't enjoy her clothes

Another little gem that I had forgotten about. Keeping it all in the family.

Agree with anonymous 21/12/19. Everything is easy. No emotion, no suspense.

Well, it fits the BTB genre, but there's no real details. To emotionless.

A waste of spelling and grammar good enough that I didn't notice them.

Good, simple BTB story. No love between husband and lesbian wife.

Learn to write something remotely interesting.

I liked it but felt that the ending fell flat. It would have been more interesting if the arrest at the airport had been included. One possible ending could have been a scene in prison where the sisters are lamenting their failure.

Story was ok but the ending was too quick. Not complete

he sure did burn the bitches

Revenge can be a bitch. I am sure that parts of this has happened many times over the years.

Great story....

eh theres never any love in any of ur LW stories. idk maybe stop post in LW cat but that just sounds mean. lol oh well maybe i'll try one of ur romance stories. even though romance stories are even more predictable than LW stories are

The whole thing was way to contrived and transparent. FBI agents don’t serve divorce papers, don’t play silly games and really have no reason to be involved until interstate fraud is proven. Secondly, how does this shmuck not know his niece or sister-in-law? Also the wife’s sister had to be what? 20 years older? No emotions, dealing with the brother, wrapped up in a dirty little bundle far too quickly. 2 stars and not sure why.

A silly, unbelievable, yet enjoyable story. I've no idea why some readers get so bent up on stories not being realistic. They need to learn to just enjoy works of fiction for what they are.

5*

Good story but the end could have been written better, not in such a hurried haphazard manner

Again, GREAT !

THANKS !

dumb but interesting plot idea

No Pathos whatsoever reads like a police report

3 stars

Needed to be longer...more fleshed out

Sorry but it’s just tooooo silly

Good story! Thank you. 5 BIG ASS SRAES!

What an amazing BTB. Don't care if it's silly.

The cynic in me says he niece could very well be just horning in on brenda-bitch's place, it's a nice gig being married to main character if you can get it. But hey, not all women are gold-digging bitches, even if it's a family trait for that specific family, so may be Brenda is the exception. So far she showed 100% evidence of being on his side.

Not a bad start, but needs much more "fleshing out" to get 5 from me. 4 stars DMW aka

The feds don't work that fast and he would only have the money, everything else would be gone. Good story though.