All Comments on 'Fun in a Motel Room'

I really enjoyed your short story. It moved quickly from one scene to the other, the fast paced action left me feeling a bit naughty. I could sense the desire to please her partner as well as be pleased. Good job, and I hope you continue writing and growing as an author.

Sounded as if this actually happened!

One example - "He broke away long enough to turned on some music ..."

To turned on ...?

Another - "... and gave me a second or two catch my breath ..."

That just shows sloppiness, and disrespect for your potential readers.

A fast reading motel romp we all can imagine...keep on writing LLD!

Nicely done, really!

As for critical DB;s, if that need such grammatic perfection, there is an entire sextion of Shakespeare at the local library. Great stuff, if that's that you're seeking.

I'd love to have this kinda fun in a motel room, great job LLD - keep on writing and don't be discouraged ;)

You have so much talent, I urge you to keep writing... and I will keep cumming.... back for more!! Thanks, Ace...

you have a very very arouing way of telling

i found it very moving my dear. all i ask is MORE!! hehehe

this was wonderful