bedroom alone and self satisfying. TK U MLJ LV NV
Not gonna leave us hanging right? It's a good start.
great start! please keep it going sooner than later
Don't know where some authors were educated but they could use an editor. This rotten use of "..." and "word -- word" structure for a pause isn't proper nor accepted, this is the function of the simple coma (,) and ending a sentence with "--" also is improper. A good editor who will see and remove such bad usage is needed.
The incorrect pauses didn't bother me that much, I'd have to say it was the boredom I had while reading it that produced all the bother.
She's got a good head on her shoulders. He's probably a jerk, but she's giving him a chance to do things the right way. What's not to like? Yeah, the ellipses should be handled correctly, but this is a first story. Good structure, she's evolving, hope she doesn't get hurt.
good but need to keep going
Story has a good start, I'll wait for more before making any judgment.
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