All Comments on 'Sleep Over Surprise'

Good story and character development. I'd shift more of their interaction to dialog from descriptive narrative, but it's very sexy and sweet.

This is nice and hot. I agree with Quantuman's advice. Dialogue during the intimate encounters will amp up the intensity. Hope to read more soon.

Good stuff. It seems genuine, or at least genuinely felt. Forest only has one R.

Very enjoyable reading. More descriptive conversation would help the story too. Nice cliff hanger ending -setting the stage for part 2 of course. Nice Christmas gift for both ladies. I am looking forward to more......

I'm loving the story, and obviously this night isn't over yet and there's more of Christmas break to come. Will there be further adventures when the rest of the foursome returns?

I love this story. It is incredible erotic without being pornographic. and the fact that you have your picture in your bio makes it very real. You are a very beautiful woman and I think that beauty is also inner.

This is very good...we want more!!!

I Had To Stop Reading Briefly After Megan Got

Done Shaving

Hmmm I Had To Get My Thong Off & Clean Up,

You Had Me So Hot.

Please, Continue The Story.

Excellent story & it was your first as well. Looking forward to more of this story & just more stories from you in general.

awsome story pls continue!!!!

continue that is.

Beautiful start! Very sweet. Good descriptive writing. Love the way the emotions come across.

It had the same effect on me as it did on KathyF...Thank you and I'm looking forward to your sequel ;-}~

So please, please continue......

I agree that you should continue, and overall I think you are quite talented and have some stories that are worth writing. At the same time, perhaps you could be more carefuk about the typos (e.g.. "he pawned all over me") or hook up with an editor who's willing to catch these little glitches. Just a thought, and please accept it in the constructive spirit in which it is intended. If I didn't think you have talent, I wouldn't have bothered to criticize.

Great start. I look forward to reading the sequels (ie, more than one). Your writing skills are better than most. Remember to proof by reading it out loud. Thanks ChristieP

Well done. The emotions felt honest. I do agree with commenters who asked for more description and dialogue. As for spelling errors and typos, I was too caught up in the story to notice.

Moor please yes it was nice but u cud rewrite the part were she was shaved it was short I think u ran out of words

This story is excellent! Thank you for sharing and I am looking forward to reading more of your works!

There are gaps and a lack of detail in some important places. (You jumped from a family in the pool to putting bubble bath in. What? And how did she "accidentally" take off her friend's bikini top? Literotica has a volunteer editor program and using an editor that might help with both proofreading and flow.