All Comments on 'Birthday Present'

Fun and realistic. It is easier to get guys to do things than most women think. After first time woman is in control.

I think you need to decide what she feels about him.

On one hand you're trying to show she cares him with the comments about "not coming on mildly homophobic man" and not letting him kiss her with another man's come in her mouth--both claiming to be signs of respect--and the "beloved husband" endearments.

On the other hand you're portraying the exact opposite since permission to do what she wants to HIM doesn't really include giving another man a blow job (since it amounts to that) or...for Pete's sake...filming him in a situation she knows he will find mortifying and then giving that recording to another, who will certainly make his own copy.

Another example is the comment about having him raped next year: you try to pass this off as a bit of humor with the "faux outrage" statement...except that the reader has to take it seriously because just above she made it clear to us that her husband agreeing to do this again is irrelevant...she was going to do it anyway.

It's as if you wanted to write the stereotypical femdom cuckold story we see so often here, but were afraid of the reaction, so tried to put a wrapper of love over the inherent contempt those stories contain. Unfortunately, it made the story a bit awkward.

Girl removed herself from the equation and it was just one guy sucking off another, not to humiliate the husband, but simply for pleasure.

Doing something TO her husband that she knows he would HATE (much less taping it) surely isn't love. And planning to "have him raped for my next birthday" makes it plain she doesn't care for him at all.

If your goal was to arounse strong emotion, then congratulations, because I am now filled with hate and disgust for someone who doesn't even exist. Unfortunately, this bad taste you've given me makes me less desirous of reading any more of your otherwise fine prose.

Very often I write characters that I base on ideas, but this story was based on a fantasy I have, and the characters really are me and my husband. I do love him, and would LOVE to see him in a situation with another man, but he adamantly refuses, hence my fantasy to blindfold him and do it anyway.

As for the line where the character of me thinks in my head, "I'm so going to have him raped next year." I intended that to come off with the same threat intensity of someone who says, "I'm so totally going to kill you!" as they beat the other person over the head with a pillow. It was not meant as a literal threat.

The whole story is meant to be playful, and I read it to my Hubby before I posted it. His response: "Cute story... but it's never going to happen!" If he's not bothered by it, neither should anyone else...

I've had many girlfriends who would have this kind of fantasy once they became comfortable with their own dominance. Once experiencing a little control, they would feel very sexy, and powerful. One wanted me to watch her fuck an unnamed lover from across the room, clean her up afterwards with my tongue, and maybe him too, and maybe use my tongue to get the lover hard beforehand. Another wanted to engage on a 69 with me on the bottom, while she was getting fucked from behind, so that my eyes would be right under the lover's penis and balls. She fantasized about having him pull out from her and shoot on my face, or into my mouth, or just have me clean their mixed spunk after he pulled out. These verbalized fantasies made for some VERY strong orgasms!

After giving her a wonderful gift she abuses him and his trust? Because that is what happened. And when he finds out and divorces her, she should understand her actions got her exactly what she deserved. Who would want to be married to a woman who displayed that she neither loved nor respected her husband? Stupid story.

Count me as another who sees an abuse of the gift he gave. "Do want she wants to him" is not "have a third person do to him." To use the situation to blow past another's limits is unacceptable to me. It is compounded by her sucking the friend off and filming it all. The cackling and rape comment-shaking my head. You may have meant to convey playfullness, but it missed. Your hubby may not have been bothered by the story but we are not privy to all the dynamics of your relationship. You presented a story and we must take it at face value. A good example of the value of an outside beta reader. Often simple word choices can completely alter the tone you are seeking to create.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I do read the comments posted on my stories. I also am grateful for them and respect the opinions of those who have commented. This is why I have left all of the comments here even though most of them attack the story (and I could delete them if I wanted to). I have actually learned a lot about wording due to the comments posted here :-) In any case, for those that are tempted to not read any of my other stories based off of this one, you should know that this is the only one in which there is a situation of such abuse of trust.

Have a happy day!

Roxanne

The quality of your writing is good. You put together a strong story in a short space. I also see this as abuse of the situation. If it was such a good idea, why blindfold him? Surely he will understand this is all in good fun? No? Well...that settles the question of right/wrong. As you have realized, word choice is critical. Cackling is what nasty psychos do as they do bad things to you. It really, really ,reeeaaallly sets a wrong tone for a loving wife. Given her dubious actions, it made it all the easier to hate her. The tossed off joke about the 'rape' was extremely believable after what has happened.

In stories, we get bad people doing bad things. The vast majority enjoy loving people doing nice things. I have read countless others have the same reactions I have to 'loving people' acting badly towards their other. We are angry and confused at the characters, and yes, sometimes the author. If you love them, how can you do that? Playing out fantasies is not a blank check.

That your hubby is not bothered is wonderful. As another has said, we have to take the story at face value. On the bright side, your story was strong enough to touch people. If it was just bad writing, no one would care about it at all. :)

Writing good; plot atrocious. You don't betray and abuse your loved one especially when they show their total trust in you. Needs a Saddletramp follow-on where its revealed the husband had his own, secret, camera in the bedroom. Husband finds out what wife did and with whom and wrecks appropriate havoc while walking out the door.

Mfj