All Comments on 'Badass Ch. 05'

by Dionysosk

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  • 29 Comments
Lo_PanLo_Panabout 12 years ago
Fantastic.....

Well done, as always. One small error though, when you listen to someone, you 'hear' them. On page one (I think), you used here, which isn't correct. Just sayin'. It might be a grammatical error due to the spell-check or word processor you use.....

shamu726shamu726about 12 years ago
great but..

There are some mistakes that detracts from the great story. Like how u use "1st", "2nd" or other numbers too often. Use instead "first" and "second", and don't use abbreviated units or numbers (eg: 3) in speeches and in the beginning of sentences. There also mistakes in tense usage and punctuation too.

Story-wise, Zdenek beating Boris and forcing him to submit to Aegis (which means, in effect, submitting to Erykah) doesn't make sense. I guess I'm thinking in terms of animal groups. Animals (like wolves) would submit to those who are stronger or better than them. Since it's Zdenek - who has no official status in Aegis - who will defeat Boris, why would he submit to Erykah, who is weaker than him?

Sorry for the rant. To tell the truth I rarely comment like this on stories, but I guess I like this series too much to let go without writing my thoughts. :)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Dry opininon

Dear Lo_Pan. Thanks for the play on words 'dry' and 'wet' in previous chapter comments. My opinion still stands though, because you didn't really make any arguments, apart from me being naive.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
awesome

This is amazing. Who cares about the smallest punctuation, grammar and structure. The majority of it is great and you know what is being said. That's what counts. Keep them coming

WerewolfEnthusiastWerewolfEnthusiastabout 12 years ago
what can i say...

other than i loved it, you had me laughing an feeling the right emotions going with the story. i find it flows really well and i don't know bout other people but it draws me into the world you creating with every new chapter i read. so once again brilliant thus far an can't wait to read more from you in the near future. and boris is totally a normal name

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Ditto

On what WerewolfEnthusiast said. This is a great story with enough pathos and pounding to keep me interested. I smile every time I see that you have submitted another installment from the adventures of Zdenek and Erykah. By the way, I am totally waiting for them to become Alpha and Luna of their territory. What an amazing combo that would be. Bring on the fighting, and the romance!

Lo_PanLo_Panabout 12 years ago
Dear Dry Opinion.......

Your welcome.....fool. Anyway, I just thought you should know something..... That particular little line about you being so 'whet' behind the ears is a from a saying attributed to an Australian politician, and was used to describe the a certain conservative political party down here..... Called the liberal party. You see, they are sooooo conservative that....Welll never mind. I didn't make an argument, nor did I have to. You made a callous and off-colour remark about the Author, and how you thought that the writer of part four was different from the writer of the rest of the series.

Okay, so you have an opinion. Good job. Now go and find half a brain, and use it to form an opinion that actually reflects some intelligence. Also, get your head straight, because there is no way that the author couldn't grow as a writer, a person and that the story he is writing could not grow. It has to, simple as that. If you, in your infinite wisdom couldn't see it, then you are blind. As I said, you are so 'whet' behind the ears!

SenieceTaOSenieceTaOabout 12 years ago
sheesh lo_pan

Quoting Aussie Politicians with the mess the goverment is in right now? .. real nice! so STFU..

On a better note, Dio.. love your storys and cant wait for next submissions, they just keep getting better and better and im not petty enough cry over the odd typo or mispelt word i figure my brain is intelligent enough to figure out what you meant without having you walk me thru it each time. muah!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Softy.. well not for long lol.

Cool he gets to open up then crashes in. So now comes a big fight.. Time for blood and bruses..

ghost

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago

verrrrry nicccce!! :)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Great Story

Hey don't let up on this story don't rush it and don't take too long between chapters lol. I really dig the story line my suggestion would be to flesh it out and actually write a book. You could really generate a huge audience.

EtonMessEtonMessabout 12 years ago
More plzkthx!

Like yourself I only discovered Literotica recently, I think maybe 2 weeks ago. I was browsing it on my iPhone and figured the best place to start was the new stories section randomly picking stories, either based on their names, if they got a H rating or by their score.

If I liked it, I'd add the writer to my reading list and make sure to check out their submissions. The other day I found your 3rd chapter of Badass and immediately decided I needed to add you to my list.

This morning, after catching up on other writers I'd saved previously, I knew your story was the next I wanted to read . . . .couldn't put it down, even kept sneaking peeks at it in work *lol* Just finished it now and I NEED MORE! I need inside your head to see what's going to happen next, right now! Fantastic writing, great characters, I'm enjoying every chapter - well done :D!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
More

Im really enjoying the story, please update more on zdenek's adventures

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago

shiittt funny as! keep going!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Rage

Ok for the first time in a very long time I got to the end of this chapter and started flipping off my monitor and swearing up a storm of purest unadulerated rage.........entirely because I wanted the next chapter and wanted it now. I refuse to type out the language that I'm using out loud right now but suffice to say I'll be much happier after your next chapter lol. And yes Badass is the perfect name for this story.

J0SEJ0SEabout 12 years ago

Loving it again! More! :)

meowman1990meowman1990almost 12 years ago
God

Ive now officially read all your stories and cant wait for more im in love with all your stories

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Please continue....

I hope u r continuing wid dis story cnt waitn 4 da nxt chpter

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
great story

I really like this story.I dont usually start reading a story that isent finished because i hate to wait on the next chapter.now i sit here and wait please hurry.being a man the battle scene to follow is a must.cant wait.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
omg

omg, this is a really great story, it feels like one of those novels that you cant pu t down. Keep up the good work. I cant wait for more.

DemonnoxDemonnoxalmost 12 years ago
Really Impressed

Wow, this is definitely my favorite story on the site except for perhaps Titus which i also absolutely love :) keep up the good work and are you still updating these? cuz if not i'm an unhappy panda :(( If you need any help at all whether it be an editor, soundboard or human punchbag to get past writers block don't hesitate to contact me I'll do just about anything to help you keep these stories going :)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Keep it up!

It's so awesome XD

hmm, though I wonder how Jennifer feels about Rica...

omgyourmomomgyourmomover 11 years ago
i

Update u bastard!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Aaron Schwartzaneger

That should be his name

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago

This has become like a more retarded version of dragonball or other similar anime shit. Dunno why I am still reading it cuz every page it reads more like a fucking grocery list than a story.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Were u picturing an anime while writing this?

I swear I feel like I'm reading an anime…this is what manga's would be without pictures…its not a bad thing just I can't picture actual ppl doing these things an behaving this way…plus it's a bit simple an kiddish…putting "fuck" in there every now an again doesn't make badass anymore badass…get it? Develop ur characters some more an don't be so stuck on the labels…unless ur trying to make an anime in which case this is going to be a really predictable story…

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
shut the fuck up

You who think you are a critic should try to write story and let people read them. If you don t like how the story going so far go. F@@king. Read something else.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Awesomeness

Wow this story just keeps me glued....

Bobbyhill30Bobbyhill30over 4 years ago
More

Can you write more chapters

Anonymous
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