All Comments on 'Zara and the Alpha'

You stoped way to quick make the chapters longer pino

I felt as though I was just beginning to settle into the story, and it was over.

Who is Ryan is he the tiger in the cage? and who is He you mentioned, was he one of the beta or both of them or the Alpha? You also mention Cousin before the 2 kids slids from the truck, so was Zara a cousin to someone in the pack or the Alpha? Just to busy to know who you were talking about. Will prolly read it again more s.lo.w.ly to figure it all out. Anywho it was way way to short and very confusing to enjoy. lol it read like you were the one with ADHA. Take a breath. I'm sure your get there soon, remember the journey can be as pleasurable as the destination.

There are some grammatical errors, and I thought the physical descriptions of the characters and some of the dialogue was a little juvenile sounding. For example, the description of Zara was dumped simplistically all in one paragraph and in excruciating detail.

suggestion: Since the POV is Cal, meter out the description of Zara as he notices it. for example:

He saw an attractive redhead get out of the van.

As he introduced himself he noticed her eyes bla bla bla.

Later after she says something else, she smiles, and that is when he notices her smile, bla bla bla.

If her ears sticking out are an endearing or important feature, have Cal notice it at an appropriate time.

Etc.

Leave some details to the imagination of the reader, and then mold that image as you go along in the story, bit by bit.

Some of the detail was just unnecessary. Is it important that her vest comes down an inch above her hips? Why would this detail be in the POV of Cal? It doesn't sound like a "guy" thing to notice.

Good start I would like to read more, keep up the good work

but way t omuch going on at once, need some back ground and the such

Catman71 makes an astute observation of too many things going on that distract.

Do slow down a bit. You remind me of how I leave voicemail...too fast and breathy because I'm afraid I won't get it all out.

Give more background on the characters. Make them engaging so that we are intersted in them and their place in the story. Wereleopards are intrguing me...do go forward.

This is sexycelestrian. One of the comments said it read like I had ADHD and info so i will try to slow down next time

Possibly the worst teenaged masturbatory fantasy I have ever read. Comical, really.

I really liked it, a lot actually. The buildup and connection is obvious without being overly quick. Wish there was more than 2 chapters, but I guess some comments don’t help at all. I really enjoyed/love Katala and the Fox!