All Comments on 'An Unexpected Mating Ch. 01'

Seems to be a decent idea, I like the different take on vampires eating habits and interactions with humans. Make sure you better identify breaks in character, I got a little confused with the switching back and forth. Also, show don't tell and maybe work on your flow, its a bit choppy and list like. Looking forward to more.

I loved it, the story has great potential and could become a great series. I love the new direction the vampires are taking rather than the usual die in the sun, cut the head-off type of vampire, well done. Umm just be watchful of sentence fluency it sounds a bit choppy in some places and choice of dialogue between characters could be made more believable. I couldn't imagine people in real life having a conversation the way the characters in your story do, but otherwise well done. Please continue :)

its reallly gud...better than what i expected from the scoring...

Plz do continue...

*L*

It's a very interesting start with the potential to be a great story. I would recommend you get an editor though to help with the flow of your story and a few mistakes here or there but great start.

xoxo

C.

I loved it! More very soon please!

Since I made that mistake myself, I'll pass on this advice to you: Don't write about stuff you don't really know or care about. Like the computer-stuff. You normally don't need a special computer for music, and another one for gaming - that's something Apple invented to fend off competitors. The majority of computers offer usability for nearly every kind of use, especially if it's about just mixing some music. Since it's all digital, the hardware is pretty much the last thing to worry about, if you're not going to record it, or use the computer to perform live - and therefor it seems a bit crazy if your character wants to buy high-end-tech just for fiddling around with digital music, AND buy another one for gaming.

This first chapter reads like any other "guy meets guy" romance so far, so I'm wondering why you wanted to make them vampires. Cross out the ages and you have a just as logical story as with the ages, since they're eating, living normal, having their normal jobs and social life... I'm quite intrigued how you will develop this story, and the vampires.

It was perfect enough story and just enough sexual content and you described everything soooo welll!! I am dieing to read more!!

This is brillant. More please. lots lots more!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It"s a perfect start, I can't wait to see what happens next. Thanks for sharing :-)

I just wanted to take the time to thank everyone for your comments so far whether good or bad. I appreciate people who have an opinion. I am in the process of writing the next part and will have it done by next week. I am hoping to get an editor so if anyone is interested let me know. Hopefully the next chapter will work better for all around and easier to read, which is a big thing with me. If you can't read it...what's the point. LOL!

I can't wait to read the rest of this story. You've set the scene beautifully.

And nicely set up. I can sense that things can only get hotter. Looking forward to reading how this develops.

Take care.

Ricky

I don´t want to ruin a promising start of a new author but I have read another story, that is remarkably like this. I have to check out who it was that has written it and will come back as soon as I can remember the author and the title. But this seems to me like it was stolen. Sorry if I´m wrong but I don´t think so.

kind of mundane and boring mixed in with extragavant and supernatural- it's an odd mix that doesn't fit together too well....like: why would 100's of years old vampires choose to be domestics for another vampire- when they can have their own household? why does this 'batman' even need to stay with anybody if he's hundreds of years old and rich- why not his own places? why does he try out for 10 bands instead of having them come to him and forming his own band? a talented, powerful, hundreds years old vampire looking to join some other young kids bands seems weird/wrong.

it's nice that you gave him varied interests and talents- though putting dessert on the table at the same time as dinner is unheard of- i've never encountered anybody who plated/served dinner and dessert at the same time- so that was just odd.

i liked the ease of the kitchen cooking scene. i liked that you had the 2 vamps feel an immediate attraction indicating at more to come.

- that the band he chose to join was the band that happens to be playing at the party of his host was ridiculuosly coincidental.....i have a feeling you're going for more drama and over the top moments than substance- but that can be entertaining as well

You have to realise that this is a different kind of vampire than the others. This is not Twilight or Anita Blake or Dracula. This is whole new setting and things are going to be different.

BatmanChick - I applaud your attempt to change the "vampire" image and modernise the genre. I have loved this story every time I have read it.

Please continue with the story