All Comments on 'Dawn's Story‏'

Of course the grammer issues are egregious. I get similar remarks on my stuff, but you do need some help on that. If I were writing the story, I might focus on Tommy and the mommy. Drag it out a little, she has to get dressed in front of him, she thinks he's afraid to do anything, the go down stairs, and she has to strip for him. In the fucking scene, try to draw it out, with what she is feeling, and thinking, The gang gang would be better in part two.

So this story was rough, but the talent's there.

Chilley

develop more. Especially your sensations during the sex from you point of view.

Can we get a chance to read the next part?

Part 2 please

Her husband's issues are not an excuse for being a cheating whore. STD's incoming and well-deserved.

"GRAMMAR" is spelled with an A, Professor. Check your own before you criticize another's.