by thedarcy
A very nice read, but a little quick.
Also, there were a few weird formatting errors (paragraph spacing) but it wasn't enough to distract for long.
very interesting but it jumped to fast,she should have been seduced by adrian
Keep writing and take your time. Its not a sprint. The plot has potential, work on execution.
It should be a little more descriptive and a plot like that should of took more time and given attention to detail and adrian should of seduced her more maybe over that week but it definitly has poteintial keep it up!
Good first effort. Read the comments and take them to heart you have potential.
Prove Bonovox99 wrong.
Thanks for reading my first attempt at erotica. It was something random that I wasn't expecting to turn out at all. I will definitely work on it to make it a better read. Thank you for the honest and constructive feedback.
it's good, but could be tweeked a little bit.. other than that, cudos for ur first time!
The comment on 4-23-12 is even sadder than the "writing" in the story itself. The author says it was "random" that the story emerged. So, it wrote itself, then? Literotica needs to raise the bar on the level of storytelling it allows into print. This one is too lame.