The friggin' title is misspelled. I can only guess that the content will be even worse!
Your spelling, grammar and punctuation all suck. You constantly use the wrong words or spell the right ones wrongly and comma's seem to be strewn at random through the whole piece.
And it's such a damn shame because the concept is worth so much more. Go take a course in English language and then try again. You've got the imagination, but not yet the tools.
You have imagination and good story telling qualities. Keep it up.
It's not necessary to get nasty--Anonymous.
I would say you need to get an editor b/c there are alot of easy errors to fix. But, overall, as an opening chapter, it got my attention. Keep writing.
Hey, you could use an editor but the concept is good and should make for an interesting story so keep at it. Most people are able to ignore mistakes as they read anyway. As for the high and mighty anonymous critic - I would like to point out that the plural of comma is commas not comma's. Maybe YOU should take and English class, professor.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!
orBack to Burning Lust of a Frightening Dark Lover Ch. 01
orMore submissions by porcalindoll1604.
Edit comment orSubmit Comment
Comment posted successfully - click here to view it or write another.
Title of your comment:
Your public comment about Burning Lust of a Frightening Dark Lover Ch. 01:
Please type in the security codeYou may also listen to a recording of the characters.
Title your feedback:
Your feedback to porcalindoll1604:
If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box:
Feedback sent successfully - click here to write another.
Login or Sign Up
All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark. No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.
Terms Of Services|Report A Problem|Privacy
Password:Forgot your password?
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.