All Comments on 'The ABC Game Ch. 02'

by scorallover

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  • 5 Comments
HamsterHamsteralmost 12 years ago
Got to more than just fuck

This story needs character development. We got a little background about the guy but nada about Jennifer (other than she loves sex). Got to have both a personal and work relationship to hang the sex on, otherwise this story is a dead end. Lots of possibiities....try to build the story first and fit the sex in where it seems to fit instead of the other way around.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago

In chapter one the guy loved his wife though the sex had become routine (which happens). He gets one blowjob and now hse is making up contracts and fucking her in the office? And there is absolutely no guilt on his part?

It is hot I'll give you that but the emotion is completely gone in this chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
needs a bit more details

Like what the hell was the contract about?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
:)

I love it. The only thing I would change is "I've been dreaming about this since yesterday" sounds kind of goofy. It'd be much hotter if she had been dreaming about it since she was a little girl or a young girl. I've had sex fantasies about my best friends' dad and that's why I like your story so much. Also, it's "sat" not "set" beside her on the sofa.

WyldePrinceWyldePrinceabout 11 years ago
Chapter 3: Improper grammar is a real turn-off

This is really about chapter three, but there was no place there for me to make a comment, today! (mayhap one of the vagaries of the Internet) Our minds are what enable us to really get into a story out here and some of us are well enough educated that the repeated use of "me and so & so" is a come down. When relating in the first person, one puts his/her name last. Not only is it a convention of good grammar, it is a matter of courtesy to put the "teller's" name last, thereby according a status of respect to the others. You might think it a picky point and the day might come when "me and so & so" becomes the grammatical convention <shudder> but until that day, you come off sounding a tad illiterate.

You tell a good story, so make it even better by using proper grammar. Don't let this discourage you, as I like your stories. Who knows, maybe I'm full of crap, anyway, eh?

Anonymous
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