All Comments on 'A New Mind Ch. 01'

Your story has potential but you need to slow the success rate down and tell us when he figures out what he is doing and how he learns to control his power. From "You are hot" to "swallow my cum" is a pretty big leap for the reader to believe in just the first thousand words.

Chapter two has already been submitted. I am still a novice writer that is learning what to and not to do. Chapter three is almost complete and I hope that you will like the direction that the story is going. I thought that I needed to get to some sort of action a bit quicker for a better reaction from the readers.

I appreciate all feedback and I hope that all of you continue to read and offer constructive criticism.

Own it. Can't wait for the rest of the story

Your story need more scene with action sex