All Comments on 'Innocence'

by Gale82

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  • 4 Comments
tazz317tazz317almost 12 years ago
A LAST STEP AND A FARE THEE WELL

to a new age and maturity. TK U MLJ LV NV

greenmountaineergreenmountaineeralmost 12 years ago

Gale,

A plethora of line ending rhymes in a poem often turns it into sounding like a nursery rhyme, but this is pretty good IMO. The variations you use with rhythm and punctuation have enough variation to make it pleasing to the ear. I liked the inversion if the adjective in line 1 to start the poem, although others may take exception to that because "we don't talk like that." I don't (maybe because I wish we did sometimes.)

"Sweet" was overused in the first stanza, and you lost me a bit in the last two lines of the poem because the words sounded discordant when those that preceded it for the most part settled into a nice rhythm that matched the theme of your poem.

That said, I'm looking forward to rading more of your submissions.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
*****

Five.

cabbie47cabbie47over 11 years ago
Beautifully-drawn picture

superb rhythm - first-rate.

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