All Comments on 'Cider Apple'

please dont tell me dad set thisup so he could have the girls for himself that would make him nothing but a rapist.

I'm certainly enjoying where this is going, and Ch. 1 was great, if a little short. I look forward to Ch. 2. But PLEASE leave the dad out of it.

so it was really rushed, should have played it out a little longer and short. You will over come this. Hell you are one step ahead of me I have not written anything. good luck

I loved it. Short and to the point.

hope there will be more!!

I know that there is a certain contingent, among the Lit readership, that truly enjoy "mind control" tales, and I respect your right to like or dislike as you choose. Still, there is a fundamental truth that - if a person won't do a thing when they're fully conscious - you can't make them do it under hypnosis, at least not as simply as this story infers.

Further, it's most likely that - if Dad programmed Mom and the Twins to respond to the "trigger phrase" of "Cider Apple", he would have done so to the son who is the tale's narrator. After all, he'd be looking for some form of "absolute control" over all the members of his family, right? So it's natural to assume that he'd have given his son the same "treatment" as the wife and daughters, since it seems to allow him a way to "win" any family debate.

Such "programming" would typically involve "Whenever you hear me - and only me - say the phrase, 'Cider Apple', you will enter a deep hypnotic trance and do anything I tell you to do - willingly, without objection." Yet, our brilliant narrator walks into the house and hears the trigger-phrase spoken, yet doesn't enter a trance? Highly unlikely.

The point where this tale really goes off the rails, for me, is the use of mind-control to foster a sexual relationship with a person. The thing that makes having any sort of sexual relationship with a woman (I'm a guy) - be it my mother, my sister, my wife, or my girlfriend - truly SPECIAL is that she is giving herself to me OF HER OWN FREE WILL. When "compulsion" is added to the mix, the other party becomes essentially a robot who has no other option - and there is nothing whatsoever that is 'special' about that.

Even in this story, when Amy comes on to her brother, she's only doing so in response to "programming". The earlier-mentioned fantasies she's had don't mean anything, because she isn't acting on them of her own free will. Thus, the scene is not arousing in the least.

I thought your story was fun, a little short however.

To "anonymous" give it a rest! It's a fantasy for crying out loud!

There needs to be a lot more stories . I hope that this is just the being

The whole point of writing a first chapter of a story is that you will eventually write chapter 2

A good framework for a story but your style of writing puts little personality into it. The use of short sentences and continually starting those sentences with "I" makes this read more like a police report of an incident. The line "I said hi and she said hi." is a case in point. Look at stories by others in a similar genre and you'll see what I mean.

As I said, a good start. You have a good skeleton of a story but a skeleton without personality is just a zombie.

To short needs much more

This story has much potential. Re-think continuing, please.

But incomplete. Try to finish, it could get hotter. thanks

cant wait for the next chapter

Hello, I loved the premise of the story but I would think if the father hypnotised 3 of them he would have done the same to all of them. Maybe he could have walked in after the father said coder apple and only heard silence and the father speaking, then heard apple cider and everyone else start talking. Then he could have tried to find out what the password was etc.

just an idea

All the best.

wow, now that was hot. sorry that it wasn't continued. if you come back maybe you will have a new addition to this great story

fantastic. I loved it all.