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Cinderella and the King

byCinner©
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Comments (11)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous06/28/12

Unlike your last effort, which I really liked and commented on, this one didn't really grab me. Although an updated version, it didn't have the necessary twist to differentiate it from the original fairytale. There were also a few things in the plot that I found annoying. For instance, having spent eight (maybe too many!) paragraphs saying what a reasonable fellow Chisulo was, he then kicks Adebayo out of the country. And, how Chisulo, who, as a king would be under constant scrutiny, unexplainably ends up being treated for his illness by two unknown women. Overall I get the feeling this story was perhaps put together just a bit too quickly? I hope you find the above comments helpful.

One other question. Noting the Disclaimer at the top, are the names of the characters actual people? I have no knowledge of royalty in your part of the world. The 'island' I am from (Australia) is a long way away.

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by lucianlover06/29/12

a little research please!!

A couple called chisulo/chioma which is Ibo cannot have a child called Adebayo which is Yoruba, that is like ernest hamingway having a son called bjorn sven larssen!!!!!! Also if you know nigerian royalty then you should know that being gay/lesbian is an abomination which would have resulted in the king banishing his son. Just a few hints to make ur story more authentic for international readership!!!!

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by Cinner06/29/12

Sorry

I am sorry to have disappointed you. The truth is that this story was hastily put together because I needed to burn off some excess emotional energy. "Trying Times" took a lot out of me because it was, despite being SciFi, the most personal of all my stories so far, and I needed to get away from the emotional turmoil in which I found myself.

That said, I really do not know anything about Nigeria or Nigerian royalty. I just googled some "African" names and went with the meanings that I saw next to them. E.g. Chisulo meant "servant" so I thought that I'd highlight this characteristic in him. Incidentally, the king threw his son out not for being gay but for shirking his duty to the nation.

This said, I know that most of Africa abhors gay sex and as do most of the people in the Caribbean. I am not one of those people. I am not gay myself but I see nothing wrong with it and I have tried to defend gay rights wherever I find myself at work or socially. Despite this I have attempted to write my entires for the Gay submissions for that Author Survivor Contest twice and both times had to abort the entry since my conditioning as a Jamaican woman took over subconsciously and the stories became something that I did not want to rubberstamp as being my views on the issue. In one case the man proved to be a serial killer so I sent it in under Erotic Horror and in the other case (this) I made the story a fairy tale. My point is that even if I have taken a political stance to uphold the rights of everyone to live according to his or her conscience it is difficult to overcome years of conditioning. I suppose that this is the only thing that I could offer in Chisulo's defense. You may know that something is right but it is difficult to do the right thing every time.

Lastly, to be honest I am surprised to hear from someone with an "international" sensibility. I have often felt "foreign" on this site because there are relatively few offerings that seem to cater to non-Western, non-Caucasian values and depict other lifestyles. I am happy that you've written about this. I needed this rap on the knuckles to remind me that I can't afford to let my little niche down.

(((HUGS)))

-Cin

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by Cinner06/29/12

Disclaimer

The disclaimer was put there by the editors at Literotica. I have seen it on other stories. I imagine that using other people's names and copyright is a very sensitive issue and they do not wish to be sued or to have any of their contributors sued. Indeed, I have a story for my Celebrities section that I had thought I would have submitted by now. It is called Letters from a Stalker and it is based on the Aurelio Zen character in the Michael Dibdin mysteries. I have agonized over sending it in since I cannot claim to be writing the story for no money if I am involved in a competition that offers cash prizes to the top six participants.

I decided only last night that the story would NOT be about Detective Zen after all. I will have to just make him someone entirely of my own imagining and stick with the "fairy tales" for my celebrity submissions. I wish that it were otherwise since I fear that the other tales will be no more satisfying than Cinderella proved to be... Perhaps I could just invite you to read my other stories and ignore those under this category...

:o)

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by Cinner06/29/12

Royalty

Jamaica is part of the British Commonwealth, as is Australia. We have the same British Royal Family here as well.

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by Anonymous06/30/12

Of Course!

I just gave myself a huge wrap over the knuckles. Especially as I am a follower of athletics and the Jamaican sprinters are the highlight of the Commonwealth Games!

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by Anonymous07/24/13

Sucks

Sorry, but Cinderella wasn't black and your writing sucks!

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by seamus22107/27/13

Cinderella's color

If your gonna limit your scope of a woman beauty on her race or bust size then you going to miss out on an entire world of sexy women of different shapes, sizes and skills.
They all got the same equipment but they don't all handle the same, just sayin!
Its a freakin fantasy just go with it!

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by Cinner07/28/13

Thanks Seamus

Thanks for your defense Seamus. I really wasn't sure what to make of that last comment left by the ubiquitous Anonymous. To have someone comment about the colour of one of my characters was something new for me, both in RL and in the virtual space. I found it incredible really....

I have noticed your support on several of my stories and poems over the past few days. Thank you for spending the time and making the effort to read them and to share your views (both supportive and challeging) with me. I have come back daily hoping to read what you have to say! It has been a thrilling experience!

(((BIG HUGS)))

-Cin

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by tazz31707/28/13

WHEN ONE ENDEAVORS TO PARAPHRASE

legends, tales and folk lore are fantastic subjects. Good Job. TK U MLJ LV NV

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by Anonymous04/23/14

What next?

What happened next? Doesn't the story look incomplete?

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