All Comments on 'A First, My Friend's Sister Ch. 03'

What a series...well written and descriptive... you almost want it to continue...

So well written and loaded with pungent dialogue: "Of course it's right, sweetie. Just fuck me."

Beautiful story of discovery and sharing, no domination no disreguard, no brutality, just very well written story of shared being and love. Well Done

Francesca was just a slut pretending to be a virgin.

Very HOT! Please give us more...

That's about as good as it gets on this site. Really well done.

I thoroughly enjoyed this series to it's current point (and do hope there is more), but I see the one inconsistency in the story so far, and it kind of concerns me. It seems back in Ch. 01 that she seems fully invested in Jim, wanting not only him to be the one for now, but the one for the future as well. It just doesn't seem that this chapter ends with the same feelings. I may be wrong and missing that tone, but it's an inconsistency that has stood out to me. But, do not let that distract you. This series has been an utter privilege to read, and 5 starts isn't enough to convey the quality of the writing and story contained within.

It reminded me of that song "You took the words out of my mouth" by Meatloaf. I swear I could hear the music of that song while reading your story.

I really liked the series and I hope it continues!

I've been waiting for the rest of this series and haven't been disappointed, I wish I could give it more than five stars because it was the best I have read here.

I loved the sweet lovemaking and thoughtfulness of Jim as a first time lover for Jennie not just a quick fuck.

I don't know where the next story will be posted as their love for each other grows and how they cope with her brother and parents, I think her parents will approve as Jim is already part of their family.

Please let me know if and when you do write it and where.

Quote "That's about as good as it gets on this site. Really well done". I totally agree. Well Done.

That was the best story of this type ive read. Good work. Use your powers for evil.

Please write some more. It was the best here. Five stars.

johnwhoknew your story is as always an epic read. I enjoyed it immensely. There is nothing you could have done to make this chapter. My hat, metaphorically speaking, off to you :) and wow thanks for using my line in your story. It couldn't have been more suitable if you tried ;)

It was great to read a story without all the adversarial emotions in it, just fun, hot love.

Way to drawn out, otherwise a great love tale.

As I said in my other comment, I love the story line and you developed it very well. I also think the sex portion was a little strectched out but it blended well and didn't bore me. Thanks for the adventure.

RecHiker

Very brave, waiting until the third installment for the story climax. All three chapters of this story were fantastic and memorable. Riveting writing.

i have read this chapter twice. it was fantastic. you need a chapter 4

That was awesome! Chapter 4...

I hope that there is a chapter 4

Im begging u to do a chapter 4

Not just porn, LITERATURE!

The story went off the rails in this chapter. I gave up midway through page 2. This guy calls the girl a different name nearly every time he speaks it. Then, they're standing in their hotel room feeling overwhelming passion, but then, they banter about who spied on who, when and where it was done! Jim has rehashed his promise to Tony so many time it's nauseating. The last straw for me was Jim's long held desire to kiss the crinkly hairs around her but hole. This is a train wreck!

wish my first time was like that

"really?"

"are you sure?"

"are you really sure?"

"are you really really sure?"

"are you really really really sure?"

"are you really really really really sure?"

"are you really really really really really sure?"

The first couple times it was cute but jeez, grow a sack Jim; she said yes a hundred times already.

This chapter was a little over done but still VG!

Hope another chapter is coming!

Finally....he fucked her and came!

No seruiously it was a long time getting there, but it was well written! I enjoyed it very much!

Bill

The rest of us can just quit. You have defined how this is done. Outstanding!

Another chapter, though Jim was too wuss, give it to her man she wanted it

The story overall was great, you build a scene very well. The actual writing style though, needs quite a bit of work. I feel like there is too much of an inconsistency in Jeanie's behavior to be believable. She spends most of the story oscillating between being incredibly forward to almost innocently hesitant. While it certainly makes sense for there to be a couple pointed shifts between the two, it seemed like this happened too often and at odd places.

Your descriptions, while great, feel like they go on a little too long. It seems a lot of times the same point is reiterated, using almost identical language, merely a sentence or two later. This gave the story a bit of a repetitive feel to me. Also, while having a wide vocabulary is admirable, try to be careful of using uncommon words too often. The first time Jim's ministrations drove her crazy was interesting, but the 3rd or 4th time takes you out of the story.

Overall though, great work. You show a lot of promise.

Many happy memories ran thought my mind as I read this story. Look forwand to another chapter soon.

I love the beautifulness of their love and unity. It was sweet and sexy.

This is how it should be.

Now on to happily ever after

please

it was their own private way of being intimate. Calling each other by their full names that no one else acknowledged.

Francesca

Giana

Jeannie

Jim

James

all the same people who have fallen in love with each other over the years without realizing it till tonight.

btw, her brother is also known as Tony and Anthony. Don't be confused if that comes up in the future.

That was absolutely amazing! I was really surprised and impressed with some of the eloquent descriptive phrases that I have absolutely never seen used on this site before, that made it even more delightful! Well done!!

Not only was it very sexy and hot but it was romantic. I really liked it! :)

Maybe I am not ALL pervert in my old age. Thank you for writing.

Beautiful love story and I kept looking for that Sea Gull.

Wonderful story, well written and well-paced. Excellent and believable dialogue. Acute descriptions. Character development was first-rate, getting into the high-school/community college mind. Isn't it kind of a "rite of passage" to get laid on prom night??) Yes, I agree with one commenter who said the plot seemed too prolonged. HOWEVER: so many stories on this site are just "slam, bam, thank you ma'am" and even some very good stories draw snarky comments about "too rushed" etc. At least you're not going to get that kind of whining. You certainly held MY attention. You have a gift---use it wisely and well.

Read above thx

I gave you five stars and i'd have done six if it existed. I felt the emotions myself when i was young and you described young love perfectly.

this all right, Jeanie, are you ok?" I asked.. How many times does he say this or something comparable. A more realistic version would have her telling him to shut up a dozen times (and use his mouth for something more rewarding).

Your craft is fine. But the seduction could be improved by trimming at least half.

You can begin with all the back-memory asides that keep interrupting

your story development.

I can't speak for the others who seem to find fault, but I'm loving this series. You have me emotionally entangled in these characters. Don't change a thing! I've enjoyed the story to this point. In more ways than one. ;)

...or should be.

The beauty in this piece is in the sensuousness and sensuality so well portrayed, and this comes through both the slow build-up of sexual tension, to the delicious and detailed description of the sex itself.

Great sex is absolutely sensual in its nature, no matter what form it comes in, and truly great sex is the volcanic culmination of a complete sensual overload, so that afterward, the two of you find yourselves drifting back down into the moment and the space you're in, as though descending from somewhere in which there was no sense of time or place or anything else but each other.

But for some reason, only a very, very few writers of erotica seem to have ever known any of that, or it would surely be the very core and substance of their writing.

It was the detail in your piece that brought me right into that hotel room with them, and into the head of your male character, and that, thank you, is what great erotica should always do. All five of my senses became involved as you described all of his perceptions, as well as her reactions, both physical and emotional, and the cumulative effect produced a truly erotic experience, vicariously shared.

Well done, and thank you. This is, after all, what we come here for.