All Comments on 'Robert'
by Pallaton
- 13 Comments
cliffgirl08almost 12 years agoI am right now dealing with the possible suicide of a close friend of mine over the suicidal death of his boyfriend 18 months ago and who posts here at Lit. There are no words to describe the loss I'm afraid I will be dealing with if/when he is successful.
Pallatonalmost 12 years agoAuthorI'm sorry to hear about that. I hope that nothing bad happens to your friend. I'm sorry if my story made you feel worse about your situation. There are programs out there if they or even you need to talk to someone. There are suicide hotlines if they don't want to talk in person, as well.
I didn't intend to make anyone feel depressed.
I truly wish you and your friend the best.
Best of luck;
Tae Pallaton
cliffgirl08almost 12 years agoNo, your story didn't make me feel worse. In fact I liked the story. It's just a weird , maybe tragic, coincidence.
Anonymousover 11 years agoI loved the story in my own sad way. Both died kind of like Romio and Juliet.
Anonymousalmost 11 years agoUnexpected, but good - worthwhile.
But! . . . "My name is Colton Stag and I'm 25. . . . I guess I'm a good looking guy, blond hair that sits behind my ears and hazel brown eyes. I'm about 6' and I'm in shape. I wouldn't say I was tank, but I had the body of a runner." This intro is fatal - it's clunky, and lowers the standard of all writing that follows it. Have other characters give us this information in more subtle ways (if the info is necessary at all). Starting a story with a physical description of a main character is just . . . ngggghhhhrrr! Don't do it!
chesthairslaveover 10 years agoColton wins hands down 'The World's #1 Asshole' trophy. He cheat on Rob, his new husband. 'And to make matters worse, I told him while he was fucking me.' The rest of the story is leagues beyond bleak.
Anonymousover 10 years agoThis story has a lot of potential, but needs some serious editing. Your hero is dying, but what do we have in the first paragraph? The hero, telling us his vital statistics and how good-looking he is. This is gay erotica, published on a website for erotica. We can safely assume the hero is probably good-looking, because 99.9999999% of all characters here are good-looking. No author needs to tell us this anymore, and certainly not when the narrator of the story is dying. Take this to the next level, Pallaton - take out all the superficial stuff, tone and refine the rest of it, and then you might well have a prize-winning little short story.
Pallaton@Pallaton
