All Comments on 'Punishment in the Pool'

bikini set???? what is that???? Poor wording

Great job even if it was a rushed story. If you have time, I'd enjoy another story similar to this one with a build up. This was a great starter that left me hungry for more.

Thank you, i am sorry about my wording, I use my imagination to imagine pictures, not wording. I will write more, for I have unlimited amounts of stories in my brain, some good, some bad, but I may not be able to write more, or at least good ones for a while because of lack of time.

but you need to polish up the wording some. it was hot but could have been a very hot story.

That's what this amounted to. Rushed, poorly expressed, badly written. But at least you "have it out there" to collect terrible scores...

I do see your points, next time I will make sure I spend more time on them,though this will go no where in my future, it is just me enjoying to write.

do all serious readers a favor and delete this so called story and find a good editor and do a rewrite. keep the blackmail and other shit out of the incest area thats what the other areas are for. stop writing until you find a good editor and a good plot line.

Do not bother

Don't ever rush something into print before it has been worked on. Let it sit around for a few days while you imagine it more deeply. Most of the stories on this site have been rewritten multiple times before they are shared. Also, purchase a basic grammar book and read about commas. There are only five or six basic rules, and you can learn them quickly.

Wow. I'm not sure if you should give up completely because, let's face it, there can never be too much erotic incest fiction ;)

However this story needs so much work and there is no point putting out a badly written/ edited story. The first sentence of a story sets the tone and in honesty yours is garbage.

The imagery needs work, just because you can see it in your mind doesn't mean the reader can, that's why you need to use your words to bring us there.

Hopefully you can take some advice on board and improve from here!

The only reasons most people come here is to relieve them selves sexually, I don't know why people are so obsessed with it being better written. Go read a book if you want to escape. If you don't like this story, go read another.

To the individuals who criticise these stories for content, spelling, etc., get over it. People who write stories on this website aren't trying to win a Pulitzer.

There is an excuse for not having a good knowledge of English however, there is no excuse for not using spellcheck. A twelve year old could write better if they knew the language.

So many things wrong with this story, I don't know where to start. Grammar is one of the main issues, though as previously stated, I know this isn't supposed to be prize winning stuff. I digress. One of my major complaints is that this story 'jumps' around too much in thought. You need to restructure your entire story. You need to add more description. It's like it goes from a girl sitting in her room, to her sucking off her brother in the same sentence. I can't picture this is my head at all.

I'm not exactly hating on your story it's just that one of the previous comments said.. people shouldn't be obsessed with this story being better written. Well, it's kind of hard to be turned on or interested at all when the story doesn't make much sense. Even if there's not correct grammar, it's very distracting. Grammar does matter. Your story was okay.. just.. it could be written a lot better.

You did say it was going to be a short, quick story.

While I don't make it practice to pick stories apart, you could use a little help with your use of grammar and spelling.

OK I'm one of the people that read stories on here for the story 90% to 95% of them don't even turn me on but I enjoy reading about 60% of them for the story alone and give out my praise as they deserve.

More like punishment on the page!

You need to use spell check, dictionary and reveiw before sending out.

Twin brother should of black mailed many B.J., massages, cooking, cleaning, other naked chores, maybe some butt fucking with anal creampies but never cum in his twin sister's cunt!

The holding, contrlling her underwater breathing while she sucked him was great, perfect. Something he could of made her practice and perfect. Teaching sis sex a great idea!

You need to learn how to spell and create a proper sentence ! Did you ever take the time to read this after you wrote it, I don't think so !

Dont post something just for the sake of posting. Make it something you want to be associated with. You need a longer plot and to proofread/edit. Homonyms are an issue. Their/they're/there type stuff.

Good luck,

Josué Miguel

I would like to tell anyone that wants to know, there is a replacement of this, story line has changed and i think i wrote it over all better. The name of the new one will be, "The Twelve Labours of Jasmine", please ignore the fact that its based on this story, it is a brand new story.

make it longer and more descriptive.

Did a third grader write this?

Its "hop" and hopped", not "hope" and "hoped" Also, "easily allowed" not "aloud"

If you're going to write a good erotic story, and you want people to enjoy it, they need to be able to read it without trying to figure out what you mean.

Also, erotic stories kinda need to be erotic. Not dull and quick to the point.

I know that you know it was too short, but its not just that, Its completely lacking the important details. Its like you were purposely trying to get that part over with.

Hopefully you'll do better next time :)

do you read what you write?

Your story sucks dude

That sucked it went way to fast

You have good story ideas, but DUDE Microsoft Office XP or 2003 would improve your story telling with proper spelling & grammar. Way too hard to read. 0*

Please, never write again.

Quiet not quite for example. Too short and fast. More background. Keep writing!

He “Came” not “cumed”