All Comments on 'A Man's Job'

The bones of the story were good,a few grammer mistakes but felt that there could have been a bit more to the Brenda Sue part in particular the Shay phone call.

Jerry was a good guy who got involved with two skanks before he met the right women. The happy ending was nice.

I liked his "Guess what Shay? Sucks to be you" attitude when the bitch tried to get him to save her worthless ass.

keep writing and from good you will get even better. u get a 5 loved the story.

the old one is in deep shit. Man up...batter up...TK U MLJ LV NV

this rates an epilog or another chapter, TK U MLJ LV NV

A waste of time to read it. Jerry is a jerk. Shallow. Knows nothing about how to select a mate. Can't even meet her half way. Three love affairs? Ha!

No wimps here, Jerry did what he had to do. We need more stories like this. The cheating bitch got exactly what she deserved. A refreshing change from the usual crap in this catagory. I hope this author ignores the trolls and keeps writing, I liked it.

Loved your story. Keep writing and make the next one even better.

Well done.

This was too short and abrupt for me, like a story's outline instead of a fully fleshed out story. The confrontation between Jerry and Shay was unsatisfying, and then meeting and interviewing and marrying Brenda Sue came in such quick succession that to me it was just items getting marked off on a checklist, not a character doing a story.

This is what I'm talking about, both slut wives made their choices now let the whore choke on them. The husband did right, why call me when your boy toy dumped your skank ass, stole your money and moved on. It's one of lifes hard lessons.

5************************************************

And in SOME instances she/he realizes that old tired line " you don't know what you got until it's gone " I think you have to have loved and lost to cash this chip in. And it feels so good to flush the dirty bastards .

How you can manage to talk about emotions without demonstrating any at all is beyond me.

The "confrontation" on the wife's cheating showed nearly no emotion or reactions at all.

The comments do not ring true, it comes across as if in a monotone.

That makes it not believeable.

Finally a real man out here. You have no idea how happy it makes me when 99% of audiences (and writers) out here are cucks. We real men are a minority and its good to see more of our tribe. I just hope you continue in this fashion and dont get inflienced by all the cucks around. Excellent story, you could have increased the revenge a bit, but this one also has scope of part 2. :)

Apparently, the cucks and sluts don't like my story.

You have the basic outline of a typical cheating wife story but your dialog sounds stilted as if I was listening to practice of a high school play. There may be hope for your writing but get rid of your "points to be made" list and write like one would speak, flesh out your story and add some human emotion to it. I checked your bio and, as suspected, this is your first story. Keep trying.

A good Romantic Revenge Story. I have read it on SOL (storiesonline.net) earlier and I wrote my feedback to the Author. The Romantic Revenge Situation the telephon conversation was excellent twist on the end. It would have been better to show longer the process of the finding the third chance woman and the building connection to the stepdaughter. But does not matter this story is a better as the 95% of the stories here so 5*****.BTW My special thank for the Author's choice for the third chance woman to be a divorced woman with child..........

An "....& more" story! Attention for sluts, willing cucks and loverboys trinity!

It's always great to see kharma grudge fuck a cheating whore. Only thing I would have done differently would have been for him to break out laughing like a motherfucker when he heard Shay's tale of woe.

Saxon Hart

That's a shame, because frankly I enjoy a rousing , full blooded ' BTB' story. Example : ' Jack & Diane ' by Torch the Bitch. This story has the sparks but never bursts into a full-on flame that only a skilled story teller can kindle.

In this story , Hawkeye drops a aside that the wife was speaking to him with a hint of disrespect in her voice & lets it go at that. Not enough! Tell us the actual conversation . Otherwise the tale stays one dimensional.

I hate the majority of Matt Moreau's endIngs ! But I read all his work. Why ? Because he can reproduce those careless conversations pitch perfect where the cheating woman assumes she's got it all figured out. The guy can really detail the problem, albeit not the remedy.

The cheating wife got cheated by the lothario in the story. Hurray ! The trouble is that we learn about it past-tense & third hand. A first class author will tell us how he got over what superfluous charm he has & how exactly he gets over.

Look its not easy to write a bad story , let alone a great one. This author has a measure of credit coming for not making my stomach twist as most Cuckold fables here will. But make no mistake , Hawkeye needs to take the extra step & give 3 dimensions for his work. Puppet theater is fine only for kids & ( glances at other comments ) the juvenile of heart.

I hear what LSD is saying in his comment, and I agree, to a point. If you keep writing and working on it, you will most likely learn how to 'flesh out' your characters more. I disagree with him in that you don't have to reveal everything-our hero getting the info second-hand is okay with me. I liked that you tried to drive the story with dialogue. The rebound romance was a little too easy, a little too convenient, etc.

I had a problem with credibility: the wife seems to really love hubby (insofar as a cheater can), encounters the old lover who once had (still has?) her heart, and is put on notice: hubby is aware of it. Then, for a couple of months hubby and wife are uneasy around each other. If anything, wife would be more on guard, if she valued her marriage. Instead, you have her being 'talked into' lunch with the asshole, and then falling into bed with him. I think more development was needed there, as it seems counter-intuitive.

Trust but verify? That's like saying I'm going North by South. They are polar opposites. You either trust someone or you don't. If you have to verify then you don't trust them. If you trust them, you don't verify...because you trust them, you moron.

As for the rest of this lame excuse for a story? The author needs to get out more, maybe take in some sonshine instead of living in his parents basement.

A previously burned husband draws the line and the wife, knowing where the line is, walks over it. This is a pretty cut and dry story, but a good first attempt at writing.

I liked this story. My problem is with the lead male hero character and his large character flaw. He is not happy unless he is in a relationship. Normally this is not a problem but when you are batting a thousand in the "can I find the next slut" category, maybe he needs to spend a few years alone. He is hitting for the cycle if this next woman turns out to be like the last two. Just because she was cheated does not mean she won't cheat, this goes for our hero as well. Paranoia is a good thing when there are people out to get you. He needed to slow down and not jump into another relationship, he needs to heal and grow a bit first. I gave this ***** because I thought the revenge was just right, although why he gave her the house in the settlement when they have no children still stumps me.

If your lead character has any emotions, I didn't feel them coming across well in the story. Keep trying.

...to all the stupid cuck shit on lately except when the author claims that only cucks and sluts dislike the story. That bullshit won't fly. As readers have pointed out there is no emotion or foresight to the words and actions of the protagonist. So keep trying if you want to actually write stories with feeling. At least I don't feel like joining a police line-up after reading this.

The reviews are mixed, I don't know why, the women in his life didn't live up the vows they made. Was he totally honest about money. No but it was not needed to make a difference. Are these tales of truth from the past the writer wants us to see or just fiction playing out.

Was there an erotic element to this story that I missed? This is LitEROTICA, you might try putting some erotica into your lit. Or perhaps we were all supposed to get hard because the poor, stupid schmuck told her off and was an unwilling cuck instead of becoming a willing one.

Ultimately, inserting good erotica would not have saved this anyway. The writing was elementary level and passionless.

For the read.

I disagree with many of the comments to date. I DO feel a lot of emotion in HE7s writing. However, it is all anger, directed at his exes and their paramours. I DO agree that there is little, if any, erotica - not even Sweetie1 or Sweetie2 shtupping her current slimewad!

I dislike the " 'revenge/'I told you so!' " ending where Sweetie2 complains about getting shat-upon and Hubby snubs her. Weak! Either get clear and obvious (tear off head and shit down neck) revenge, or simply live well! None of this schoolyard 'Nyah, Nyah' crap!

3.6 = 4*

The story lacked emotional depth,the dialog was jerky and the story seemed rushed.This isn't his first story,but it can take time to build skills up.The wife is a bit obvious,to make it more satisfying it should have taken more to discover...and from my perspective jack would have found out more about the lover and find a way to destroy him,not for shay,but maybe to take a cancer out of circulation. Jack also would likely be a lot slower to trust again and in a fleshed out story would struggle to trust,it came too easily with brenda....but overall,not bad.

As Pistol Pete said, no Cuck story here .. thankfully!

loved the story, I thought it was great. ...............BUT ........... I felt it was unfinished and lacking detail at the end. You built everything so well, and the end was so quick.

NJLauren did a fine evaluation and LSD made some good suggestions. The comment made by author about his own buy, making anyone who did not love his story a cuck was a bad idea and almost caused me to make a comment...

In Vulcez's story "Choices Made" the exhusband felt same:

" Gretchen continued to sit looking shocked much like I had some three long years ago. Pamela and I headed out into the bustling life of London to meet our appointed train. She never asked about the meeting but I think she heard enough to know it was not a joyful reunion. For the first time in a long time I felt free. Yes, I felt free and even a bit happy".

as in Hawkeye0007's story the exhusband felt. This is the extramarital fun of the Romantic Redistribution.

Your story line was good, though it might have been fleshed out a little, but your main character comes across as paranoid, he is waiting for the same thing to happen again, and lo and behold it does. Trust in a relationship is a two way street and has to be seen in the other person by each partner, if you can't see it, does it exist? If your partner doesn't trust you, eventually it doesn't matter any more. If he had made a concerted effort to woo his wife after the party, would the old boyfriend have had a chance?

That the story could have had a bit more meat to it, it was well written and had 0% cuckolds. Personally I would have hung up three words into her sob story phone call, but I am an asshole to cheating whores. 5 stars!

I wonder what Dickless' reaction would have been if Brenda, naturally being single and unattached, tried to interact (much less fuck) other men in the last days of her cruise. After all, while we all KNOW he's the salt of the earth...because he stays emotionally detatched from his wife and hides money and has company spies around her. Brenda does not know that and sees him a merely another potential swain.

His reaction to that would have been much more interesting then a 'magic moment' relationship.

I think the characters need to be fleshed out a bit, otherwise I enjoyed the read.

Thanks for the story.

I guess you've never been hurt before, because what he did made perfect sense to me. I don't get the trying to justify the belief that we all don't carry baggage for past relationships. Let's not forget she is the one who cheated knowing his history. Then she got bit by the snake she let in to her garden. In the end he did the right thing, she has to live in the bed she made for herself. And why should he feel sorry for someone that gave his feeling so little consideration.

. . . deserved each other. Vapid stereotypes in trite situations.

you are obviously missing what I wrote.

It is EXACTLY because of his baggage that the relationship with Brenda was also doomed to fail without the wave of the Magic Writer's Pen. If she acted like a normal woman, seeing what was available, then Mr. Bags would most likely write her off.

Maybe you are reading his character differently. He didn't trust the second wife and it's doubtful he's trusting this one either...but the writer glosses over the fact he probably has a key checker on all the computers, every room in the house likely has a camera, there's a GPS tracker on her car and the money goes into HIS account.

Tell me, would YOU run into a relationship with a woman who offered you that level of 'trust'? Somehow I doubt it...But for the main guy to NOT do that would be to total refute every single thing he's already established about that chartacter.

Thanks for writing. More please;

tom anon

P.S. Got Shay's number?

this was a beautiful story. two broken people become one whole person in need of the other to continue to be complete. hey, i am a sucker for a love story. and i like the ending where the x calls and tells him problems with the other man, it was a bit of payback that we learned happened to her. i gave it a 5.

It was a good story but the M in Marine Corps is ALWAYS a capital letter.

Semper Fi

I have to wonder if he really ever loved Shay. He's hiding money from her. He's treating her like a kid rather than a wife. Shay was given clear and fair warning about how he feels about cheating. When the ex asshole came along she was clearly told she was out of bounds simply by making eyes at him. So what does she do, start meeting him for lunch. Throughout, Shay seems like a dope who really doesn't get what she is doing, stumbling through it all. I'm not saying that gives her a free pass but it's different than someone deliberately trying to hurt him. How much does his fear of getting hurt and his refusal to love her completely drive Shay away?

Meanwhile, Brenda Sue he clearly loves. No threats are made to her. I wonder if he tells her about his money on the side? I doesn't quite seem fair to Shay. Again, Shay made her bad choices, she deserved to be left. But the ending seems a little harsh for someone who was primarily a dummy. He got to keep his money, he has a woman who loves him, he even gets a daughter. Isn't that enough?

Meanwhile the ex asshole gets away with it. That's crap. The bartender's analysis was worthless. A man taking some other man's wife IS disrespecting the husband. If anyone deserved the harsh ending, ex asshole did.

The idea that a wife or most any woman cannot lie effectively is nonsense so I didn't finish the story.

I loved it.

I thought you did an outsanding job with your story. If I have any regret, it would only be because it wasn't much longer than it was. Thanks for a story that was worth reading; they are becoming all too rare on this site!!!!

Me gusta mucho tus noticias. Esta fue la apuesta de todos! Gracias a mi amigo. Thank you for a good story Amigo.

You got it started, can't wait for part 2

but once it's lost, it gone. Some where inside he knew from the way she looked at her ex the marriage was doomed. He like most people believe that they had a chance. but lets look at it logically. 100% of all marriages, 50 to 60% percent of men/women cheat, roughly 60% end up divorced. 15% get divorced over money, 10% get divorced over religon, and another 10 to 15% just grow apart. So maybe 10 to 15% percent of marriages go till death. For those few that have lived by their vows bless them for they are very rare.

As far as your comment, I disagree. Everyone has baggage except for those lucky few. Everything in your life has mad you the man you are to day. That same baggage you carry with you every day is the reason you learn to trust. They have to earn it, it isn't given freely.....and those who been hurt don't give that trust easily, she knew his history and did it anyway. As far as the hiding money, women do that everyday. Their rainy day funds, their me money or what else they call it but does it mean they don't trust their husband or do they just try and sve their own money.

@ Hue I think the tendency in the Scandinavian countries and Hungary is the next 40% of the children were born out of marriage (10 years ago in Hungary was this figure only 30%.. The parents of the children live together without marriage certificate. I have a bunch of collegues who live togheter and bring up their children without marriage certificate, but a collegue who did marriage she is divorcing her spouse with 2 children after 4 years. The DNA test 99,99% sure and the paternity is not sure in a marriage according to your stories.

May It be the future, the wedding will be the crown of a succesful children bringing up after 10-15-20 years to the first child birth????? DGHear has an excellent Romantic story about such a pair. In this case the majority of the marriage candidates will be above 40 years old, againsrt the nowdays between 20-30 years old

These Several Cuck Stories are a good symtom, which gives to the youth that idea not to marry............

In the US, it depends on what state you live in but if you live with a woman long enough, she becomes your common law wife. ANd even with out a marriage license she will still get some type of alimony. And as far as my stories go,DNA is a big thing because over n1/3 of the test come back 0.00 chance that the husband is the father. That's why the US has laws that try and prevent men from getting fucked over. That only work a small amount of the time because once the child is a certain age, its your reguardless of the DNA test.

It seems Jerry has a knack of marrying the wrong women. Let's hope he got it right this time.

Great tale... except for one thing. Asshole needed to get put in a fuckin' hurt locker! I had to subtract a star for that.

4 Stars.

@IronDragon Why only 4****? This story gave that idea, that the main characters start secret fund in their marriages in my stories!

While I can understand the lack of sympathy for her financial situation, his willingness to tolerate the physical abuse of *any* woman just because she cheated, is the product of a mind that is even viler than hers. Some things are not acceptable in a civilized world, and anyone with a pair of balls between their legs and calling themselves a man understands that. Cheating is one of them. Spousal abuse is another.

@Anon She is afraid of violance and she did not get violance. He did well to close the telephone. They have not common child, against my story "Different Gyms Do Train The Body Better", She is not his bussines. His bussines is Brenda Sue and her daughter!

You dial 911 and handle violence.

@Duna

Because Asshole didn't get the shit beaten out of him for pursuing wifey in the first place. Hubby should have gone after the slimy bastard and put him in a fuckin' hurt locker from the word go! Hell, I would have put him under the parking lot! HUBBY GOT FED ANOTHER MAN'S CREAMPIE! That right there is grounds for justifiable homicide.

So yeah, 4 Stars.

i agree with you ID except when the Ex-called she wanted a white knight to come to her rescue and he was past it by then. but the ass kicking should have been administered just not at that time. either before the divorce was final or in a few years when he did not expect it.

@cantbuymy

As soon as he saw them at the party together, he needed to go have a Talk with Asshole. if the Talk didn't work, he should have escalated it to a full blown Discussion.

For reference: Talk = Veiled Threats

Discussion = Old School Curb Stomp

Jerry knew as soon as he saw her with asshole she was cheating. He just couldn't prove it. When he could he left as fast as he could. Why didn't he beat the crap out of him? Because it was her that cheated. He was just a live dildo. Also she had a lot of balls asking Jerry for help. She should have known better.

Carry on.

A man who fucks another mans wife needs his ass kicked bu good but not because the ex calls and asks for help. He seduced her. Lunches at first then afternoon delight and them more for months. He really was more than a dildo he needed to be worked over.

they want you to fix it back to Zero plus 1. TK U MLJ LV NV

her world is destroyed

made me smile :)

What shite. A hurting cuckolds pathetic fantasy. 1*

No emotion...just boring, I hated the wife in this story.

No one must deal with cheaters. Cheaters soon or later will find punishment...The cheated always know that the lover will not want a cheater...The lover just want to use the cheater. The cheater soon or later will find that truth...A little lame, but a good story...

I like to read stories where a man is a man. This guy had 2 bad marriages but after the first one he was prepared. I think he was very smart to have money set aside and to not want children right away. As other comments have said, once trust is destroyed, love is not enough. I agree with everything he did, he didn't want to know why, how, etc., no counseling, talking or anything else, just good bye. The only thing that I disagree with is when she gave him the cream-pie, that would have called for some type of revenge against both cheaters.

I'm glad you don't write anymore.

1*

He drove his wife away

Your statement is totally twisted and false. She drove HIM away. No sane human being would remain attached to a spouse that did that. It turns out that she is the one who lost.

Right approach to infidelity. But such a cold soul. Quite probably he did drive her away. But she still cheated and threw her life away.

As for the writing, poor. Conversation not very realistic. No attempt to expand the story. No attempt to paint a picture for the reader. Very static and monotone.

Dry, unfeeling, unemotional, stiff...what other adjective is there to describe this?

This might have made a decent outline or synopsis for a story, but a story?

Badly written.

Seems almost like a cliff notes version of a story. The raw material is there but there is not enough to invoke much emotion

he's only happy if the wife is getting gangbanged by all his cousins

Felt like your characters were reading from a script - and not very well at that.

Pure tripe.

A cheating cunt wife destroyed and our faithful loving husband in the arms of a new faithful woman. Don't you just love a happy ending?

Jerry’s been in 2 failed relationships and I like how he left shay to her own devices. But the story seems that it is not quite finished. Did Jerry finally find his soul mate with Sue and her daughter?

As far as criticism, I thought the writing was a bit dry and stiff. They story flowed well, but was a bit stilted with the exchanges. Overall it is a good story. Thank you for the good read. Please keep writing.

could have been so much better

Another story with no ending...what the hell hawkeye, what do you think when you write a piece of something with no ending...fuck all I guess. And Literotica why do you print this unfinished stuff, I was going to say shit but it isn't ...it's just not finished. Finish the story for gripes sake!!!!

It's like reading a comic book.....very poor ...... very poor, I give it a one.

Previous comments are correct...no ending! Here, we also have, a tough marine who lets the blond haired shit get away! Really???

Just a mashup of every other poorly written LW story on the site. No thought, creativity, heart, feeling or, for me, interest. I wish I had the last twenty minutes back.

Question to the author: why do you want to write? What do you want to say that every other poor writer hasn't already said?

Sorry dude but I couldn't finish the story. The dialogue was awful, situations were poorly manufactured and basically just too contrived and unrealistic.

Keep working on it.

1 star

Just another two-dimensional, cardboard cutout character story. No subtlety, no character development, no interest. What are you, twelve? I can tell you're never had a real relationship that got past the name-calling stage. What a boring piece of crap.

This story seem to have had a problem being managed. It started telling about a ex-wife who had made him not a feeling person that could completely trust anyone. Okay we know what happened to the second wife What happened to the first wife? Did he fix her wagon and get revenge on the people she cheated with? For a person so scorned he didn't do much to anyone. You only left me with a incompletely story that failed to come close to what was hinted at in the first section where you told us about the Jerry the wimp who thought he wasn't. Yes, Shay had him pegged correctly he was her wimp and seeing how inaccurately you described him He did go back and help Shay. He Dropped Breand Sue and her child because she had a baby with another man.👎🏽

This may just be the most stupid story in the history of literorica.

illiterate shit.

Flat, two-dimensional characters, stilted conversations, jerky stop/start action, jumping around all over some perceived timeline known only to the author. What a mess. If you're serious about writing, you need to sit down and outline what you want to say and then make sure you cover all the bases.

Your dialog needs a lot of work, the conversations you write are unemotional and unreal, just totally unbelievable. Maybe you should spend ALL your time trolling much better authors poking fun at their stories and calling them cuckolds. Stop wasting your time writing, you're not any good at it. Now, turn off your computer, get out of your basement and go to bed. Your mommy wants you to take out the trash before you put your jammies on.

some much hate from him.......and I guess she should be put up for saint hood. She a fucking slut and he did right by dumping the skank.

Your story and plot were good. Would have benefitted by being longer and developing the characters a little more. After reading, I felt like I had done a one hundred yard dash instead of a nice stroll. Thank you for writing at all. It takes a lot of effort to create, I know. Keep up the good work. Disregard the pithy anonymous Trolls who can barely produce a sentence.

If there isn't more to come, this story ends unfinished. And that makes it a failure.

1. The naysayers are angry to this story for showing the future husbands to save their interest well.

2. 50% of the marriages end with divorce. This hero was smart after his first divorce and his assets were in secret deposit and it stays there.

3. The modern BTB is not to kill the cheater spouse and the lover, because the cost is long time prison. To win in the divorce and to be happier than the cheater ex is not BTB alone. The story becomes BTB when the cheater ex learns the cheated on is happier. When the ex husband talked on phone and he closed the conversation this was achieved, so THIS STORY IS BTB!!!

More explanation:

Vulcez master flash story "How Are You" is BTB story also, because the cheater ex wife learned her cheated on ex is happy and successful together with the kids through a phone call..........

Seurat's story "Homecoming Call" is similar with mobile conversation.

Both explanations show the cheater spouse learned something through a call and learned thing is the BTB itself and nobody was killed!!!!!

There's no way I can give you 5 Stars on this. You almost finished it, but not quite. And a near miss is as good as a mile. How does he know Brenda Sue? What happened to Shay? Well, another house given to a cheating wife for her to lose. Another marriage wrecking asshole that slithers away like the snake in the grass that he is. I have never understood what financial qualifications a judge possesses to determine the distribution of a couple's amassed assets.

Supposed to be erotic literature, this is about as erotic as a boiled egg......it's just a whinge about your insecurities, if you can't handle how women are, stay away from them, they will all fuck you up in the end.