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A Man's Job

byhawkeye0007©
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Comments (73)
by Anonymous

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by Reader6708/07/12

Could have been longer.

The bones of the story were good,a few grammer mistakes but felt that there could have been a bit more to the Brenda Sue part in particular the Shay phone call.

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by betrayedbylove08/07/12

Good Story

Jerry was a good guy who got involved with two skanks before he met the right women. The happy ending was nice.

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by Anonymous08/07/12

Great story :)

I liked his "Guess what Shay? Sucks to be you" attitude when the bitch tried to get him to save her worthless ass.

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by cantbuymy08/07/12

it was good

keep writing and from good you will get even better. u get a 5 loved the story.

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by tazz31708/07/12

HE;S GOT 2 STRIKES, THE NEW ONE HAS A FOUL TIP

the old one is in deep shit. Man up...batter up...TK U MLJ LV NV

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by tazz31708/07/12

#2 FOR THE IOWA MOHICAN

this rates an epilog or another chapter, TK U MLJ LV NV

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by The Navigator08/07/12

Awful

A waste of time to read it. Jerry is a jerk. Shallow. Knows nothing about how to select a mate. Can't even meet her half way. Three love affairs? Ha!

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by Anonymous08/07/12

Good Job

No wimps here, Jerry did what he had to do. We need more stories like this. The cheating bitch got exactly what she deserved. A refreshing change from the usual crap in this catagory. I hope this author ignores the trolls and keeps writing, I liked it.

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by Anonymous08/07/12

Keep writing

Loved your story. Keep writing and make the next one even better.

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by Zed5608/07/12

Nice Read

Well done.

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Outline.

This was too short and abrupt for me, like a story's outline instead of a fully fleshed out story. The confrontation between Jerry and Shay was unsatisfying, and then meeting and interviewing and marrying Brenda Sue came in such quick succession that to me it was just items getting marked off on a checklist, not a character doing a story.

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by Huedogg208/07/12

I'm putting you in for the Nobel Peace award

This is what I'm talking about, both slut wives made their choices now let the whore choke on them. The husband did right, why call me when your boy toy dumped your skank ass, stole your money and moved on. It's one of lifes hard lessons.
5**************************************** ********

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by Anonymous08/07/12

When the ex wakes up

And in SOME instances she/he realizes that old tired line " you don't know what you got until it's gone " I think you have to have loved and lost to cash this chip in. And it feels so good to flush the dirty bastards .

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by Anonymous08/07/12

Odd

How you can manage to talk about emotions without demonstrating any at all is beyond me.
The "confrontation" on the wife's cheating showed nearly no emotion or reactions at all.
The comments do not ring true, it comes across as if in a monotone.
That makes it not believeable.

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by karan987608/07/12

Finally a real man! Yes!!!!

Finally a real man out here. You have no idea how happy it makes me when 99% of audiences (and writers) out here are cucks. We real men are a minority and its good to see more of our tribe. I just hope you continue in this fashion and dont get inflienced by all the cucks around. Excellent story, you could have increased the revenge a bit, but this one also has scope of part 2. :)

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by hawkeye000708/07/12

Obviously

Apparently, the cucks and sluts don't like my story.

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by MadBrown08/07/12

YOU'VE GOT THE OUTLINE, NOW.....

You have the basic outline of a typical cheating wife story but your dialog sounds stilted as if I was listening to practice of a high school play. There may be hope for your writing but get rid of your "points to be made" list and write like one would speak, flesh out your story and add some human emotion to it. I checked your bio and, as suspected, this is your first story. Keep trying.

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by Duna08/07/12

Good Romantic Revenge Story

A good Romantic Revenge Story. I have read it on SOL (storiesonline.net) earlier and I wrote my feedback to the Author. The Romantic Revenge Situation the telephon conversation was excellent twist on the end. It would have been better to show longer the process of the finding the third chance woman and the building connection to the stepdaughter. But does not matter this story is a better as the 95% of the stories here so 5*****.BTW My special thank for the Author's choice for the third chance woman to be a divorced woman with child..........

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by Duna08/07/12

An "....& more" story

An "....& more" story! Attention for sluts, willing cucks and loverboys trinity!

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by Anonymous08/07/12

great story

It's always great to see kharma grudge fuck a cheating whore. Only thing I would have done differently would have been for him to break out laughing like a motherfucker when he heard Shay's tale of woe.

Saxon Hart

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by LordSlamdawgg08/07/12

Pity. This isn't so much a story as it is BTB puppet theater !

That's a shame, because frankly I enjoy a rousing , full blooded ' BTB' story. Example : ' Jack & Diane ' by Torch the Bitch. This story has the sparks but never bursts into a full-on flame that only a skilled story teller can kindle.

In this story , Hawkeye drops a aside that the wife was speaking to him with a hint of disrespect in her voice & lets it go at that. Not enough! Tell us the actual conversation . Otherwise the tale stays one dimensional.

I hate the majority of Matt Moreau's endIngs ! But I read all his work. Why ? Because he can reproduce those careless conversations pitch perfect where the cheating woman assumes she's got it all figured out. The guy can really detail the problem, albeit not the remedy.

The cheating wife got cheated by the lothario in the story. Hurray ! The trouble is that we learn about it past-tense & third hand. A first class author will tell us how he got over what superfluous charm he has & how exactly he gets over.

Look its not easy to write a bad story , let alone a great one. This author has a measure of credit coming for not making my stomach twist as most Cuckold fables here will. But make no mistake , Hawkeye needs to take the extra step & give 3 dimensions for his work. Puppet theater is fine only for kids & ( glances at other comments ) the juvenile of heart.

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by BTTap08/07/12

A good start

I hear what LSD is saying in his comment, and I agree, to a point. If you keep writing and working on it, you will most likely learn how to 'flesh out' your characters more. I disagree with him in that you don't have to reveal everything-our hero getting the info second-hand is okay with me. I liked that you tried to drive the story with dialogue. The rebound romance was a little too easy, a little too convenient, etc.
I had a problem with credibility: the wife seems to really love hubby (insofar as a cheater can), encounters the old lover who once had (still has?) her heart, and is put on notice: hubby is aware of it. Then, for a couple of months hubby and wife are uneasy around each other. If anything, wife would be more on guard, if she valued her marriage. Instead, you have her being 'talked into' lunch with the asshole, and then falling into bed with him. I think more development was needed there, as it seems counter-intuitive.

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by Anonymous08/07/12

Is the author retarded?

Trust but verify? That's like saying I'm going North by South. They are polar opposites. You either trust someone or you don't. If you have to verify then you don't trust them. If you trust them, you don't verify...because you trust them, you moron.


As for the rest of this lame excuse for a story? The author needs to get out more, maybe take in some sonshine instead of living in his parents basement.

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by OldHideki08/07/12

Good First Story.

A previously burned husband draws the line and the wife, knowing where the line is, walks over it. This is a pretty cut and dry story, but a good first attempt at writing.

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by 1Thinkingman08/07/12

Read all your earlier stories

I liked this story. My problem is with the lead male hero character and his large character flaw. He is not happy unless he is in a relationship. Normally this is not a problem but when you are batting a thousand in the "can I find the next slut" category, maybe he needs to spend a few years alone. He is hitting for the cycle if this next woman turns out to be like the last two. Just because she was cheated does not mean she won't cheat, this goes for our hero as well. Paranoia is a good thing when there are people out to get you. He needed to slow down and not jump into another relationship, he needs to heal and grow a bit first. I gave this ***** because I thought the revenge was just right, although why he gave her the house in the settlement when they have no children still stumps me.

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Emotion

If your lead character has any emotions, I didn't feel them coming across well in the story. Keep trying.

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by Pistolpackinpete08/07/12

Can't hardly condemn a story that is written in response...

...to all the stupid cuck shit on lately except when the author claims that only cucks and sluts dislike the story. That bullshit won't fly. As readers have pointed out there is no emotion or foresight to the words and actions of the protagonist. So keep trying if you want to actually write stories with feeling. At least I don't feel like joining a police line-up after reading this.

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by Ducky708/07/12

Threads of truth speak volumes

The reviews are mixed, I don't know why, the women in his life didn't live up the vows they made. Was he totally honest about money. No but it was not needed to make a difference. Are these tales of truth from the past the writer wants us to see or just fiction playing out.

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by Anonymous08/07/12

Poorly written with no emotion

Was there an erotic element to this story that I missed? This is LitEROTICA, you might try putting some erotica into your lit. Or perhaps we were all supposed to get hard because the poor, stupid schmuck told her off and was an unwilling cuck instead of becoming a willing one.

Ultimately, inserting good erotica would not have saved this anyway. The writing was elementary level and passionless.

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by chytown08/07/12

Thanks***

For the read.

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by Lickideesplit08/07/12

Just the facts, Ma'am

I disagree with many of the comments to date. I DO feel a lot of emotion in HE7s writing. However, it is all anger, directed at his exes and their paramours. I DO agree that there is little, if any, erotica - not even Sweetie1 or Sweetie2 shtupping her current slimewad!

I dislike the " 'revenge/'I told you so!' " ending where Sweetie2 complains about getting shat-upon and Hubby snubs her. Weak! Either get clear and obvious (tear off head and shit down neck) revenge, or simply live well! None of this schoolyard 'Nyah, Nyah' crap!
3.6 = 4*

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by njlauren08/07/12

not bad

The story lacked emotional depth,the dialog was jerky and the story seemed rushed.This isn't his first story,but it can take time to build skills up.The wife is a bit obvious,to make it more satisfying it should have taken more to discover...and from my perspective jack would have found out more about the lover and find a way to destroy him,not for shay,but maybe to take a cancer out of circulation. Jack also would likely be a lot slower to trust again and in a fleshed out story would struggle to trust,it came too easily with brenda....but overall,not bad.

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by Anonymous08/07/12

Thanks hawkeye!

As Pistol Pete said, no Cuck story here .. thankfully!

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by Anonymous08/07/12

W.T.F.

Not a puke gay cuck boy story? Thank God for that, good story, thanks.

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by dustydingo08/07/12

thanks

loved the story, I thought it was great. ...............BUT ........... I felt it was unfinished and lacking detail at the end. You built everything so well, and the end was so quick.

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by bruce2208/07/12

Easy to enjoy story

NJLauren did a fine evaluation and LSD made some good suggestions. The comment made by author about his own buy, making anyone who did not love his story a cuck was a bad idea and almost caused me to make a comment...

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by Duna08/07/12

The extramarital fun of the Romantic Redistribution.

In Vulcez's story "Choices Made" the exhusband felt same:
" Gretchen continued to sit looking shocked much like I had some three long years ago. Pamela and I headed out into the bustling life of London to meet our appointed train. She never asked about the meeting but I think she heard enough to know it was not a joyful reunion. For the first time in a long time I felt free. Yes, I felt free and even a bit happy".
as in Hawkeye0007's story the exhusband felt. This is the extramarital fun of the Romantic Redistribution.

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by northlander08/07/12

Good Story But

Your story line was good, though it might have been fleshed out a little, but your main character comes across as paranoid, he is waiting for the same thing to happen again, and lo and behold it does. Trust in a relationship is a two way street and has to be seen in the other person by each partner, if you can't see it, does it exist? If your partner doesn't trust you, eventually it doesn't matter any more. If he had made a concerted effort to woo his wife after the party, would the old boyfriend have had a chance?

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by Saxon_Hart08/08/12

While I agree...

That the story could have had a bit more meat to it, it was well written and had 0% cuckolds. Personally I would have hung up three words into her sob story phone call, but I am an asshole to cheating whores. 5 stars!

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by FD4508/08/12

An interesting character

I wonder what Dickless' reaction would have been if Brenda, naturally being single and unattached, tried to interact (much less fuck) other men in the last days of her cruise. After all, while we all KNOW he's the salt of the earth...because he stays emotionally detatched from his wife and hides money and has company spies around her. Brenda does not know that and sees him a merely another potential swain.

His reaction to that would have been much more interesting then a 'magic moment' relationship.

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by digdaddyrich08/08/12

The story was a bit short and the characters were a bit thin.

I think the characters need to be fleshed out a bit, otherwise I enjoyed the read.

Thanks for the story.

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by Huedogg208/08/12

More words of wisdom from FD45

I guess you've never been hurt before, because what he did made perfect sense to me. I don't get the trying to justify the belief that we all don't carry baggage for past relationships. Let's not forget she is the one who cheated knowing his history. Then she got bit by the snake she let in to her garden. In the end he did the right thing, she has to live in the bed she made for herself. And why should he feel sorry for someone that gave his feeling so little consideration.

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by BobNbobbi08/08/12

The characters . . .

. . . deserved each other. Vapid stereotypes in trite situations.

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by FD4508/08/12

Hue

you are obviously missing what I wrote.

It is EXACTLY because of his baggage that the relationship with Brenda was also doomed to fail without the wave of the Magic Writer's Pen. If she acted like a normal woman, seeing what was available, then Mr. Bags would most likely write her off.

Maybe you are reading his character differently. He didn't trust the second wife and it's doubtful he's trusting this one either...but the writer glosses over the fact he probably has a key checker on all the computers, every room in the house likely has a camera, there's a GPS tracker on her car and the money goes into HIS account.

Tell me, would YOU run into a relationship with a woman who offered you that level of 'trust'? Somehow I doubt it...But for the main guy to NOT do that would be to total refute every single thing he's already established about that chartacter.

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by Anonymous08/08/12

I liked it: 5*****

Thanks for writing. More please;

tom anon

P.S. Got Shay's number?

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by cantbuymy08/08/12

No matter what the other commenters say

this was a beautiful story. two broken people become one whole person in need of the other to continue to be complete. hey, i am a sucker for a love story. and i like the ending where the x calls and tells him problems with the other man, it was a bit of payback that we learned happened to her. i gave it a 5.

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by Anonymous08/08/12

Good story.

It was a good story but the M in Marine Corps is ALWAYS a capital letter.

Semper Fi

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by jasonnh08/09/12

Mixed feelings

I have to wonder if he really ever loved Shay. He's hiding money from her. He's treating her like a kid rather than a wife. Shay was given clear and fair warning about how he feels about cheating. When the ex asshole came along she was clearly told she was out of bounds simply by making eyes at him. So what does she do, start meeting him for lunch. Throughout, Shay seems like a dope who really doesn't get what she is doing, stumbling through it all. I'm not saying that gives her a free pass but it's different than someone deliberately trying to hurt him. How much does his fear of getting hurt and his refusal to love her completely drive Shay away?

Meanwhile, Brenda Sue he clearly loves. No threats are made to her. I wonder if he tells her about his money on the side? I doesn't quite seem fair to Shay. Again, Shay made her bad choices, she deserved to be left. But the ending seems a little harsh for someone who was primarily a dummy. He got to keep his money, he has a woman who loves him, he even gets a daughter. Isn't that enough?

Meanwhile the ex asshole gets away with it. That's crap. The bartender's analysis was worthless. A man taking some other man's wife IS disrespecting the husband. If anyone deserved the harsh ending, ex asshole did.

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by DWornock08/10/12

Unrealistic and the writer has too much anger.

The idea that a wife or most any woman cannot lie effectively is nonsense so I didn't finish the story.

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by Anonymous08/11/12

Five Stars!

I loved it.

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