All Comments on 'Female Non-Consent Fantasies'

but this makes a lot of sense to me

Thank you for bringing us this. I think, particularly with all the ongoing buzz about 'that book' that this is a much-needed comment. Well-written and showing a considerable degree of joined-up thinking, I believe this could - and should - become a classic in its field.

Well done - I don't imagine you were hunting scores with this piece, but I have awarded it five stars nonetheless.

Most thought-provoking. Thank you.

Thanks for putting into words the vague idea that I had running around my mind about this. I know a couple of strong willed successful women who have this fantasy. They do not want it to happen, but they admitted one night that well written stories of it really got them going. I knew there was some reason, but you put it very well.

Well Said!!!

....had to do with authors who write this plot line as more than fantasy. Obviously if one were to actually act out these fantasies that would reveal mental illness. And how does anything you have said speak to misogyny? There is much writing that comes from the realm of fantasy but there is much on this site that comes from a political viewpoint that is dangerous. No one should be doubting that women fantasize about everything. No one should doubt that the reality is only for the sick and that some males on this site blur the distinction.

Thank you for your contribution to an important topic. Do you draw a distinction between male and female authors of non-consentual stories with a woman as the sub, slave, or victim?

While I might not agree with all your conclusions (specifically what effect these stories might have on male readers, or that women necessarily win the flirting game), you do make points worth consideration. A fresh and interesting essay.

Yes - You've hit it on the head, for me at least. The excitement that comes from these non-consent/BDSM fantasies is the loss or letting go of control, or at least the idea of it. Until recently, I have always felt a little ashamed that an independent, feminist woman could harbor these fantasies. But having recently explored BDSM, I can say it is liberating to allow someone else to be in control. It took me some time to let go, but I am enjoying finding out more about this part of my sexuality.

The problem is that authors USE those views you talk about to make their stories more realistic, not because they believe them (although some may) and readers immediately demonize authors irregardless. Using real psychology and ideology as literary techniques.

My internet Dom sent me this email because he thought it would chyme with my feelings. And he's absolutely right. Pandemos was spot on when she said that the loss of control is liberating - I totally agree. I'm incredibly lucky - a successful, high achieving senior IT manager who leaves most men quaking in her wake! Yet now I have full control over all aspects of my life, the choice to be a sub is the most erotic and liberating choice I've ever made.

To those who say that BDSM is abusive, I say it's bollocks. Everyone - male, female, straight, gay, vanilla, fetishist has the right - and responsibility to make the best choices they can for themselves and those around them. If a woman choses to submissive, controlled, pseudo-raped etc - it is a choice made of free will and is as assertive as it gets. If she hasn't chosen, and is genuinely forced against her true will then that is real rape. If you are in an abusive relationship and don't want to be, get help and get out. If you're in an abusive relationship and secretly enjoy it, stop crying wolf. Rights, responsibilities, choices, emotions. It's what makes us human.

Sorry, but there is a difference between fantasy and non consent.

women, and men, can have fantasies, and those stories should be posted in that category. But if he or she does not want to participate, did not harbor secret desires wanting to be taken against their will, and were forced anyway, it is still rape.

No still means No.

Your premise overlooks the vast amount of stories where the women do not enjoy the rape or non consent/reluctance. Thus the notion that there is no misogyny because the woman enjoys it is false.

Your premise also shows bias suggesting only those who don't like danger or lower self esteem women would flaunt themselves for attention would be uncomfortable with the idea of rape. It shows quite a lack of reason when your stance is basically: If you're uncomfortable with this you're either boring or you're a low self attention seeker afraid this will happen to you. Plenty of women who do not flaunt themselves are uncomfortable with the idea of rape because they view it as a disgusting and degrading violation. It has nothing to do with their self esteem or thinking it could be her but their view of the action itself.

Your conclusions is composed of overlooking. It overlooks that one can be offended by rape stories simply because of rape. Instead you suggest that if one is offended ny misogynistic non-consent stories it's either because they think it 'hurts women's fragile reputations' or they 'can't believe a woman can have the same basic responses as a man'. It also overlooks that it's not the same basic responses in 'a woman enjoying a rape' to 'a man enjoying consensual sex with an unattractive woman'.

Good points.

I strongly agree with these two points

1.) A woman who reads non-consent must be strong and have high self esteem, otherwise the story would not be erotic; it would be frightening.

2.) men can freely fantasize about being dominated then why the double standard for women?

The strongest arguement I've heard is that ultimately fantasies are fantasies, and that human beings, flawed/fucked up by nature or life experience, are going to have desires that run against/outside of acceptable behavior, but that that's why we use fantasies (and role play dynamics) to "scratch an itch" in a way that does not cause harm to another being.

What's more interesting to me, is the fact that you (the writer) are definitely a man, and you felt the need to have a claim to womanhood in order for your arguement to be legitimate. I'm not saying you haven't thought through the points you've made here, but it's clear you have not been "a feminazi" at any point in your life. Why do you have to disparage feminists while ostensibly explaining how you support women's autonomy?

Perhaps, instead, find one of the women (many of them feminists) who have written about their perspectives on their own noncon/rape fantasies, and then present that (alongside any additional input of your own)?

Thank you LaSalia! There is already enough shame to heal from past patriarchal, misogynistic or traditionalist cultures. Those cultures serve humanity until modern times liberated large numbers of people to focus on their inner lives including fantasy. For the past few years I've been blessed to be in a relationship that is fully and mutually satisfying and I've learned to channel my fantasies into my marriage. I wish more people learned this at an earlier age.

Fantasy is not reality. Slavery and coercion are inherently wrong. Women still need to learn to be honest about their power over men. Men still need to be responsible for growing up emotionally so they can love and be loved.

I hope to offer writings of my own when I've edited them properly and would be open to your feedback when that time comes.

This was a very nuanced take. In all honesty, I can't say I fully understood all of it, just because it was a bit of a difficult read for me, but the parts I did understand, I was very appreciative to see portrayed in an essay. There's a lot of truth here, and I'm glad you're normalizing this.

I agree I am a reader who enjoys non consent I find it erotic love dominate men but irl I would never stand for it lived with an abuser for 4 years suffered domestic violence sometimes I think I have issues but ure essay actually made me feel better so thank u

I like noncon stories, but I always get confused by the 'romantic' stories where some overbearing asshat unilaterally decides that the lead female is his and keeps pushing even when she says no. My exvangelist friend explained it to me, though. In traditional, conservative patriarchy, women get reviled for wanting or enjoying sex, so that type of story is a way for it to happen guilt-free.

I still don't like that genre, but I get it now. Doesn't make it acceptable IRL though

Thank you LaSalia for expressing so well what I cannot even express to myself! At college, I was abducted in broad daylight and raped. Bad at it was, I could not understand why my body betrayed me and orgasmed not just once but three times! I hated the inner slut that made me respond to them. They called me all manner of vile names and I orgasmed anyway! Fortunately, someone had seen or heard something, and called the police.

The shame I felt in the courtroom was even worse than the rape! The lawyers called me a slut and a whore, because I jogged alone and was wearing gym shorts instead of plate armour. The men had pulled along side me, and kindly asked for directions. My mistake was trying to be helpful. That hesitation gave the men time to overpower me.

Many many times, I went over the events in my mind. I found that I got wet while remembering being abused. I do not understand why my body reacted that way! You have at least partly explained it. Apparently my body involuntarily responded to their sexual excitement. Maybe it was a primitive survival response; I do not know. All I do know is that the men saw and felt me orgasm, and took it as a sign that I liked being raped. They gave me a limited amount of freedom, and took me for walks to stretch my cramped legs. I did not resist them, but whoever called the police saw that my body language did not look right. I am grateful for that, and I am grateful for your efforts to explain why my body responded. It may have saved my life! Who knows?