All Comments on 'A Gift From His Father Ch. 03'

Please hurry with the next chapter. Edge of your seat stuff. I am loving this story.

Well done on getting most of the errors on this chapter too.

I love this story

Two pages just isn't enough!!! This is one of the best stories I've ever read!

More...please:)

Well done !

I hope to see more soon.

Thanks for the great read.

This is a good story and can't wait to read the next chapter of this amazing story!!!!!

If you need some editing or proofreading help, send me a message on the forum or mail me :)

This is building into a great story, great plot. I love a story where the sex parts are not as important as the main story.

But hurry up, write faster, I need more !! LOL

Cant wait to see where Johns journey goes from here.

and to see if he and Liz and Penny get Together.

Nice to read please go on!

I'm glad to see you've spent at least a little time proofreading. I'm really excited to see if the progress continues since this is turning into a very hot story.

Enjoying your story. Please recognize that a "suit" of clothes is not a "suite" of rooms. There is no such things as a "suite" of clothes.

the sex part is nice as well. Going to read more now!!

disemboweled means to cut someone's bawls out. disembodied mean separated from the body.

You had made him 21 instead of 18 so he could be a bit more mature

That he hadn't gone overboard with the remodeling of April

and that you used Shudder when a person has that special bit of physical shaking and muscle spasm associated with pleasure. Shutters go on the outside of windows.

going to give it a couple more chapters then call it from what I've seen, its got potential but I honestly don't know where your intending to go wit this other than hae it as a series of wank bank pieces

JC

You just ruined April so congratulations. Not everyone like watermelon sized boobs.

WTF is with all the criticism. It is a creative individual expressing him or herself?!

Hey I understand that not everyone likes add you put it watermelon boobs, but you clearly have no idea how bra sizes work. Bra sizes have two components band size (basically the circumference of their torso directly below their breasts) and cup size, but cup size isn't independent of band size. Cup size B literally means there is a 4 inch difference between the circumference underneath the boobs and the circumference across the largest part of the boobs while the boobs are properly supported. Each cup size larger is just an additional two inches to the difference in circumference. Going from a size B to a size DD means a maximum increase in how far they stick out of around 3 inches for a total horizontal distance from the torso of around 5 inches. What kind of tiny watermelons do you eat?

Who cares what size the boobs were (cup size) he likes them big, she likes them big, it is a STORY, get over yourselves.

That said, I'm glad he is moving towards dealing with Lizzy, since April looks to be a cast away pretty soon.

I'm guessing somebody she thought was out of her league is going to hit on her and off she'll go... otherwise how does he get rid of her without giving her a mental re-write? Yes, it's just a story, but character actions and plot points actually matter to a story, your preferences in boob sizes notsomuch ;)

J

First, dad's "Disimboweled" voice, was he gutted like a deer? I assume you meant "disembodied"

More than happy, every time I hear that I think of George Carlin's "fine and dandy" happy is enough.

"She doing the screaming" either her doing the screaming or she "was" doing the screaming.

"They slept until around 9AM until the sunlight....... too many "until's" how about " they slept until around 9AM "and the" sunlight pierced (not pierce) the curtains, then end the sentence with a . don't make a disjointed run on sentence. Follow with At the point...

On to their conversations, one says, the other replies, it's just bad English to have it all he said, she said, etc.

"Her newly enlarger, that isn't even a word. Newly enlarged breasts, add the S when speaking about both breasts.

Flowing lips???? How and where were they flowing? Again, bad English.

Either "she quickly consumed most of the food" or "quickly consuming the food"

Back to breast or breasts (your refusal to pluralize them is driving me nuts) Every step she took her breast wobbled..... Sorry but I can't help but imagine one breast bouncing around while the other stood stock still, which I suppose would be amusing however I don't think that was the image you were trying to create there.

She washed them, John washed theme? A theme on what exactly, Paganini perhaps?

Like I said, I love the story but the bad grammar is killing me.

Don't know where you're going with this story, but you're making it Interesting!

All tit sizes are wonderful!!! And each size presents it's own challenges and pleasures...

I'm enjoying these. Thank you for writing them.

Still enjoying...but...shaved off her muff-!?! Criminal....!

Crying shame...not a tongue/finger/cock in the world that can't find it's way thru a sleek lush muffin like a heat-seeking missile...

Bush serves a number of functions-look it up-not the least trapping her ambrosial pheromones...

Next chapter

Just realized I'm reading this series for the second time-Great!!

Getting better... How is mom doing?

Is this an erotica story too?

The story just keeps getting better 5🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Why go to that extreme on her breasts? B's are cute. A nice C would have fixed any girl's insecurity. Just saying. I really hate the huge tit obsession on lit. /rant

Improving with each chapter, but keep checking the spelling ie shuttering is the closure on a shop front, shuddering is when a body shakes through either an orgasm or when a vehicle bounces when stopping.

Wow! Lizzie Borden's labia gem is quite the power amplifier, ... you just gotta love a good sex energy story, ... And April going from an A to a DD, and John made he believe in that delayed growth spurt story, that's some kinda power there, ... A magic ring, a couple million in the bank, lots of great sex, Johhny is living the dream! ... ;-) TTFN

Oh, the sophomoric obsession with huge knockers. The story was good until that hyperinflation happened. :(

Going overboard...boobs suddenly balloon

And pity author onboard with obsession with bald vulvas...read razor companies making women obsessed with shaving their entire bodies, resulting in $3B in business/year

I am enjoying these stories, a little over the top with the giant tits, but hey to each their own. The grammar and spelling mistakes are really starting to get frustrating though. All in all, a pretty decent read.

It seems there's no use complaining about the comically bad state of your writing, but I'm going to anyway :D Please, for the love of God, find someone to proofread your stuff before you post it! The most glaring example to me is the "disemboweled voice". Disemboweled means someone's stomach has been cut open and all their BOWELS fell out. In this situation you probably meant DISEMBODIED which means something (usually a voice) exists without a body. It actually made me laugh out loud. And there are many more errors.

As a side note, you should keep the chronological order of things in mind when jumping between characters and skipping time for them. You skim over the receptionist's day and night. Then you switch to the elderly lady, but it's yesterday again, only it's evening and you skim that too to describe her morning. Then you switch back to John, but it's yesterday morning again. Either stick to John and insert other characters' stories when John catches up to the time when they take place, or put down a "Character name, X hours earlier" when you switch.

Good job, thanks for sharing your work!

Such a good story but unless you clean it up and repost it will never make five star

Great stoy , good plot but terrible writing . Needs a lot of editing...

Silly errors spoil this tale - for example - women having an orgasm do not "shuTTer" they SHUDDER. Some work on this and similar would certainly enhance your readers expectations.

I like the story and the characters but the errors spoil it for me