by hotminflo1
Way Too short, Reads Like crap And there is no substance to this story to make it a hot read. This May be your first story posted up but come on at least try to make this story believe-able. I may not have stories posted but I know what a great read should look like.
Very descriptive and well written. I love how you did the narrative. Please continue to write similar stories, this was very good. :D