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My Little Harem Ch. 04

byklosetp3rv©
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Comments (9)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous08/28/12

getting mundane and predictably boring

The story lacks some zest and flavour it is pretty predictable and it is basically the same as chapter 2 and 3.
would like to see some originality

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by Anonymous08/28/12

Lots of talk, not much ACTION

This chapter is a little lacking in the sex action department, while our "hero"(???) gets another sex slave for his harem, he gets sidetracked in fixing Amber, Frank, etc.

He also seems intent on getting married women to leave their husbands,WHY, when he could just as well "program" his new conquest and have her meet him when ever he calls and commands her to do so.

Hope the next chapter is full of SEX ACTION, and not so much Yack, Yack!!!

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by ResidentWeavil08/28/12

I'm with anon.

This character is starting to get on my nerves. At first, I chalked it up to a power trip. But even after seeing the damage done to amber, he has to rub it in Celeste's husband's face when he takes her. He is a lowlife and not what I look for in a main character. He could have "borrowed" her. Instead, he destroys two lives.

Not sure I am am supposed to hope he wins. If you want an evil protagonist, you have to set up the plot differently so that we want to be him. But who wants to be chased by some shadow org?

Also, much of a physical skill is muscle memory and conditioning. I don't think simply copying another's memory of karate would make one the equal of someone who trained.

I'm still not ready to give up on this. I enjoy the writing and plot.

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by Yedi08/28/12

a good start

This is a good start however you may want to take a little more time on the story development and the scenes as it goes by too quick and you left it hanging at a place that could have made the naysayers happy involving the nocturnal activities. Also you may want to move away from stealing everyone's wives on a permanent basis instead allow him to play or find either lesbian couples like he did on the one or divorcees like on the other or just uninvolved females or if your intent ones that are in abusive relationships would also work as it would give people something in the would be hero to cheer for.

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by Anonymous08/28/12

When is the next one

I can't wait for the next chapter. I like the developments in the story for sure but wished this one was a bit longer. Because there was not much action to this one. And another reader made a good point, why not just keep the husbands as body guards or use them to get more things or people? The Main Character is going to need some muscle at some point, right? For me, how about their jobs? Other people are going to start to notice missing Friends and Family but if he uses some people to promote or create a cover story then he can have his fun and keeps the story as great as you have been writing it and to the editors too, GREAT JOB. It's a fantastical story that if kept as part of the real world would make it even more enjoyable

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by Anonymous08/28/12

liking it so far

Some more details in a few places would be nice, also hoping the next chapter goes into detail about the night in the hotel with more graphic detail. keep it up

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by C_frommn08/29/12

Great Story

Like trhe pace its not all hurried and loose. I like the fact he is filling needs Protection,Doctor,Nurse, Now Money.

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by staghart66908/30/12

Evil

Why am I supposed to root for this guy? He's evil. I want him to get caught. He does horrible things and ruins lives. That's twice now that he has destroyed someone's marriage. There's discovering and using a power like this...And then there's selfishly abusing it to ruin the lives of complete strangers, who really don't deserve it. Does he even HAVE a conscience?

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by Yedi10/16/12

still waiting

I am still hopeful of seeing chapter 5 please hurry

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