All Comments on 'Dear Abby Landers'

Randy Cohen, the guy who for a number of years wrote the Ethicist column for the New York Times Magazine, has recently edited a book collection of his columns. In a review I read of the book, the reviewer says that Cohen praises Ann Landers as being an inspiration. I'll take your word for how she dealt with gender issues, but Cohen apparently thinks that on other topics, she gave good advice more often than not.

John Prine said it best in his "tribute"

Dear Abby, Dear Abby ...

My feet are too long

My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong

My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all

Won't you write me a letter, Won't you give me a call

Signed Bewildered

Bewildered, Bewildered...

Chorus:

You have no complaint

You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't

So listen up Buster, and listen up good

Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

Dear Abby, Dear Abby...

My fountain pen leaks

My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks

Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed

If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead

Signed Unhappy

Unhappy, Unhappy...

Repeat Chorus

Dear Abby, Dear Abby...

You won't believe this

But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss

My girlfriend tells me It's all in my head

But my stomach tells me to write you instead

Signed Noise-maker

Noise-maker, Noise-maker

Repeat Chorus

Dear Abby, Dear Abby...

Well I never thought

That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught

We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze

With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees

Signed Just Married

Just Married, Just Married...

- Because of her column, I learned the word "masturbate".

When I was around ten or twelve years old (1968-1970), there were several letters in her column asking whether or not it was okay to masturbate. I do not recall whether the letters were from males or females, nor do I recall Ms. Landers' responses, but I became curious about the word, and asked my mother what it meant. My mother was not comfortable discussing such things with her young son, but gave me a vague, incomplete answer something like:

Mom: Well, you know how a man has to get hard before he can have sex with a woman?

Me: (no clue what she means) Yeah.

Mom: Well, it is when he does that with his hand.

Me: Oh.

So, thank you, Ann Landers.

I think.

you got it right. I always read them as low humor.