All Comments on 'Low'

there's a real sense of love in the opening two strophes, a lightness buoyed by the almost sing-song quality of the rhyming and tonal work running through. the middle section was a big enough departure from the opening to distract me, to give me pause for thought ... i wondered if this departure from what you set us up for was as deliberate as song-writers who introduce that change of pace somewheres around the middle of a song as something they are encouraged to do, or if it was to say 'hang on, enough of the go brightlies, stop here and think about this part, it's intended to reflect the sort of mood changes seen in (perhaps) early alzheimers'. maybe it's just an age-gap thing, one person closing out the other for whatever reason.... the breaking through only to be shut out again, it's sad and frustrating.

whatever the intention, i found it a distracting break but one worth thinking about. not sure i've understood your intentions, but the switch of moods, the light-play underlining this to good effect, made this an interesting read for me. thankyou :)

as far as framing, and not what anyone would expect, buried free verse sonnet? not bad

the usual complaint about dead language

mood black as ink

my heart sinks

there is a slight echo effect

ridge, enraptured, Cribyn

that for future reference could have been developed further

need you ask the score, you are a real wonder

bloody hell, 12er, i totally missed that about the buried sonnet (embarrasses), my only excuse being i was so tied up in the opening that ... scratch that, there's no excuse. apologies, desejo :flower: ooh, perhaps it's a good thing i missed your sonneteering, so adeptly hid amongst the words as to render it 'invisible'? damn, not very good at politics, am i? :p

demure, not desejo

reading you both i confused the names. it won't happen again. x

why would you have attachments for her, TK U MLJ LV NV

I'm sorry i'm too ignorant to differentiate between buried & unburied sonnets but this poem is an amalgam between Nature & interaction between Human emotions which as a Human lover/student i highly appreciated ! Very good & keep it up , please .

From the high of a beautiful day to the low of night, from the high of remembered joy to the low of her black mood, you've made us see and feel the emotions that take us from the opening high of the poem to the crashing low of its end! I like the form, as well.