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A Perfect Wave

byThe_Unmentionable_Jade©
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Comments (4)
by Anonymous

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by Desejo09/28/12

I like the concept of this, and I think you are onto something with the ebb and flow of the lines. There is something about it that makes me keep rereading it, and after doing that several times I think it could be a very strong poem in even sparser language. For example, take out the pronouns and see what happens, I think it could be really interesting.

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by twelveoone09/28/12

5ed

because...you are new? there is so much off putting here, like
Passion urges you inside my body
Deliciously
beats me, they seem to work
there is something almost screaming Po-tential!
good luck with it, make some comments on your co-posters, see what the competition is doing

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by butters09/28/12

this has

some meat to it. nice to read another newcomer!

could be pared back even further like trimming the bones for the perfect offering, but definitely worthwhile reading.

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by tazz31709/28/12

SOMETHING MAY HAVE CUM

but the wave is incidental, TK U MLJ LV NV

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