by eroticlitty
Take a look at "French Virgin" by Sexual Improv.
It has the best use of details I've seen here.
And your dialog, so far, is too one sided.
It's more of a contest. Until the story point is achieved.
But...congrats for getting started!!
As a geriatric sex kitten myself, from far away NZ, we must welcome you to this fast growing 'Sisterhood' of horny 'BDSM' writers.