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Mei Meets a Monster Ch. 02

byDog2303©
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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous10/04/12

You really need to start doing a few things.
1 - USE QUOTATIONS! Whenever someone actually says something, you Have to put "these" around the words they say.
2 - You never used a single comma.
example: " It is scary at first, but I promise you will love it so much."
(You may also want to use contractions. Say "it's" instead of "it is" and "you'll" instead of "you will." It sounds much more natural that way.)
Other than those issues, it's not bad. I'm looking forward to the next chapter, especially if you can get those two things under control and maybe make other parts seem more natural, too.

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by Dog230310/05/12

Thanks

New to this and you feedback is appreciated. Punctuation never my strength. Have already submitted 3rd chapter before I figured out how to read comments. Will work on for rest of story.

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by Anonymous09/08/13

Another terrible installment

You need to take a basic writing course and maybe read a biology book on the female anatomy. The description of the girls is cliche and ordinary. How many of these are there? Hopefully they get better.

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