All Comments on 'Child, You Always My Sugar Plum Fairy'

where blue and red Diamonds sparkle each day

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can 'coal' resist the pressure and heat

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defy being transformed out on the street?

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Wonderful social comment ...made me green

for others to weigh in on this, but my personal take is that it is very, very difficult to write dialect unless you are familiar with it to the point that you actually speak it. It worked for Gil Scott Heron, it worked for Langston Hughes...I'm just not so sure it works for you. That said - I appreciate the structure and I do love the last line, which I think does work. Seriously - giant rats on TV.

using street patter, changes not the relationship given, TK U MLJ LV NV

It reminds me of Tolson's Harlem Portraits. Well done!

I found the extensive use of quotation really puzzling. It was necessary to reread to figure out who was saying what and where the voice of the narrator was. I would not say this is close to your strongest piece, GM, but a very worthy experiment! I do appreciate the contrasts you were drawing.

Al Sharpton

a line or two of readable dialect takes it to the line of acceptable.

this is way over, any message is lost by the shuck and jive, and unless i'm mistaken it should be "We be moonwalkin", you be usin WP grammer, see Daddy be dancin'

but then, I'm no expert either, 'sides you an easterner how you know what they talk in LA

didn't vote