A great story with real hot action. Will be rereading it!
A pretty good story . Try rereading after you spell check and edit. "Tide to the desk" wrong words can ruin a good story.
The only better ending I could think of for this story is for Suzanne to say that she picked up the frying pan he left behind in the warehouse.
For goodness' sake find someone to edit your stories. Your ideas are good, but anyone who's half awake will find your mis-spellings and bad grammar a total turn off.
And very unbelievable, but that's OK--it's a fantasy. I was fairly distracted by the use of the wrong word (which often amounted to a spelling error). The story seemed a bit rushed, but fantasies can be like that too. The murder theme isn't a fantasy of mine, so that part kind of ruined it for me. And those police were pretty dumb. This story needs lots of help!
and look what happened, TK U MLJ LV NV
I can overlook the spelling errors and the wrong words but not the weak ending. The plot had potential but you seemed to rush the ending.
I wrote the story as a beginning to a variation. Hopefully you will enjoy the others which should justify this one and should be published soon. Regarding spelling...oppps. Can't promise I wont do it again (I would blame auto-correct, but my computer does not do that).
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