by furious1
You had me going right up until "they lived happily ever after". You introduced a dom/sub theme which would or could have set the tone for the ending, but you unaccountably dropped it.
This was similar to a quarterback in the red zone, about to ice the win with any kind of score, who then throws a pick six to lose.
THIS IS WHAT'S CALLED A QUICKIE, HOT AND TO THE POINT. COULD HAVE BEEN LONGER. BUT YOU GOT YOUR POINT ACROSS. DETAILS WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE.SOME BACK ROUND, , SHELLY, AND THE FRIEND, MR. WILSON AND MOM . ALL IN ALL,NOT BAD.A PART 2 IN RETRO, WOULD BRING US UP TO SPEED HELP US OUT HERE. NOT A FAN YET. THE OLD MAN
You need to sort it out. Semicolons are not for decoration, and your apostrophe usage was appalling. I only got to the second paragraph. And then scrolling down I see a random capitalisation of "turkey". wtf are you doing? Put the crystal meth down and pick up a dictionary instead.
Why don't you make your suggestion in private to any writer, rather than tearing their efforts down in front of the readers. I am positive they would take a lot more kindly to suggestions rather than criticism. Just my thoughts...other than the comment, I rather enjoyed the story for it's content, rather than comma's...
i mean really who cares if it is a semi colon or a colon
it was fucking hot, great mom and son action
lol was it true
the only thing I HATE about this site, is there are too many SPELLING and GRAMMAR nazies!! Ignore the idiots who think they are perfect..
great story!! keep writting!
I love people you tear peoples writing down and then don't have the balls to sign their name to it. If you're so perfect then put your name on posts otherwise keep your negative comments to yourself. As for the story, I liked it and you should keep writing.
Cacow, some of us can't be bothered registering. We're not scared, just lazy.
Sadpussy: It's "nazis" and "writing".
This could have been better if the author had stretched it out a little more.
Maybe Mom sensing that not all was as it should be, but in her befuddled state unable to define why, and being just drunk enough not to really care.
Mark could realise that, being masked and anonymous, it would be easy to fool his Mom into thinking he's her husband, and playing with her tits and pussy before fucking her the way he's always dreamed of doing.
Perhaps he could finish by making her suck him clean, and enjoying the surprise on her face when he removes the mask, and she realises the cock in her mouth does not belong to her husband, but to her horny son.
I'd like to read about him forgetting about his girl friend and concentrating on fucking his mom.
Now that she has fucked her son and felt his huge cock inside of her pussy, the taboo aspect has been broken and I would hope that Mark would make a concerted effort to seduce his mom again, and get her to where she wants to fuck her son a lot.
Thanks for a great read
But it's a good enough story. Perhaps it could be expanded.
Don't worry about the haters. There will always be some. I'm sorry but when I'm wanking one out do I really ponder of grammar I think not. Grammar is good but the point of the story is to get you off hopefully. Plus the ability to correct it in your head and continue on is a very intellectual skill. Th1s wa5 m3ant to b3 a p01nt t0 pr0v3 y0ur mind can figur3 1t 0ut.
This was truly awful. The writing, the grammar, the spelling, the dialogue. Right there in the first paragraph, where he was "racked" by guilt - I should have stopped there, but stupidly read on to the end.
Annoying the reader with all that is wrong with this does nobody any favors, including yourself, specially if you want people to read anything else you might write in the future.
True enough, but like lots and lots of sons, deep down in his mind Mark still harbors a fascination with his mother's mommy-hole, that wonderful hole between his mother's legs he came out of, its lovely look and the sharp musky scent captured on the gusset of her panties that he loved to inhale deep into his lungs. His mother's cunt-smell always got him hard in his pants, though he tried to suppress the knowledge of what was happening between his legs. But now Mark's wiser and self-confident about his secret urges. Like plenty of boys nowadays, more and more of them all the time, he knows what he wants, it's his mother's babyhole, his mother's cunt. He stuffs and stretches it, slams and pounds it, and has himself the best party of his life up his own mother's twat. And his mother fucking loves it. First, because Mark's cock is so damn big, and then because it's her own darling baby boy's big hard cock. As "he started pounding her hard from behind again and again, she reached behind cupping his balls as he fucked her letting him know it was ok." Okay? It's the best damn fuck she's ever had. She loves her boy's hot young balls, she loves what he's got roiling inside them for his dear old mom. One small point: like with any son, the first time Mark blows his young balls it should be right up his mother's twat. Sure, mom'll be sucking off her boy again and again, but the first time Mark shoots his geyser of creamy sperm it has to be up where he was once a baby.