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English
5ed
this has a nice external structure, 556,556,56, 6 being refrain, rhyme follows a strict pattern, internally it would have been nicer if word choice were better, and a little trick, change somethings in the last refrain, i.e.
Secrets we knew
Have faded in the killing season
sure my bud Tazz can add to that
A DREAM KILLER IS INSENSITIVE
to all others sans self. TK U MLJ LV NV
TY
As a note: these are lyrics structured poetically. It's adapted slightly from its original form. I wrote in high school for my metal band. Just up here for fun :)
as lyrics
quite nice, you really don't want too much poetry, doesn't work often, still some minor changes in the refrain, often does wonders. another thing, ambiguity, unless you're doin C&W, in which case stick to losin'
your woman
your man
your parkin space for the oversize truck
or pickin' & chosin'
a woman
a man
a bumper sticker for your truck
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