All Comments on 'One Full Moon'

kind of confusing at the beginning, but all in all a great start. Please tell me that you're going to continue it? :-)

This story was definitely different from other demon were love stories I have read before. I so love different. Even though it started off a little confusing it ended on a high. It was like a mystery that was partially revealed then snatched back to be guessed at again. Well I like mysteries and am anxious for that glance at it again. I thoughly enjoyed this story.

please learn the difference

Found 5 of them, sorry. There is more to the story (there always is) but I don't have an eta. Lots of ideas smashing around the noggin.

Very different from what i've read before. Loved it! and i lohoved how the demon here was different than the demons you always encounter. It was a great story and there shouldn't be more to it, i feel. It's good just like that. You should make other stories though

The demon's perspective is very interesting! Will be reading the others in the series.

This is just creepy rape torture fantasy. No backstory as to why you should care about ...well anything

I made it all the way to the end just because im stubborn

I didn't think there could be a more perfect example of a nonhuman character... but people are weird. So perhaps, the last commenter also has fangs, venom sacks, and ate her way out of her mother's belly? And after reading the description, was she expecting a love story about a romantic demon?

She was just a troll who came out from under her bridge to spew nonsense for a minute.

The first comment labeled it a rape torture fantasy. I simply don't agree with it - maybe he/she expected it to be a twilight sorta fantasy. I agree this is rape by most standards, but it is not violent, and there is no torture (at least in the first chapter). It is frankly something I would expect from a gritty sex-seeking demon in a seemingly dark world. **Spoiler** The sex scene itself is pleasant in a way, though the girl is drugged.

To Ahren! (the author)

Hey mate, I clicked on your profile and saw your stories. I had to read it :P. I know its been years since you've written this and your writing has probably improved tremendously since, but I still want to give you my two cents. I hope you don't mind. I am just trying to be helpful.

1. You've written the chapter like a trailer - a darn good trailer but a trailer nonetheless. Sexual Demon roaming a battlefield in its aftermath - Finds a fallen soldier chick - Drugs her, heals her, and has sex with her. That's your story in three sentences. We can do this with almost any story, but it is the stuff in between that makes reading worthwhile.

We know nothing about the demon nor the soldier nor any of the other characters in the story. There is nothing to relate to. We aren't even sure about the appearance of the demon and the soldier - pretty and beautiful is all we get.

I get trying to be mysterious - I love doing it myself, but you have to anchor it around something concrete. Develop at least one of the characters. Maybe a short intro to the soldier or a scene where the One is spying on a skirmish. Anything that makes the reader understand a bit about the world and the people living in it, and care about the characters you are portraying. Right now, I hardly know or care for either, and they've already had sex.

2. Paragraphs! Just shorten them. I used to write them as long as yours before I realized most of us have really short attention spans these days. We get lost when any para is longer than 3 sentences. Gone are the days when I could read page long paragraphs without skipping a beat or missing a word. But in those days, we had books. Sweet physical books. I can still hear the crisp noise of a page being turned, though I haven't turned the page of a novel in ages.

3. Writing - No issues there. Solid writing. No one cares about an occasional typo. Do consider not using words like 'latter'. Makes it sound like philosophy prose. I must have done it in my own story at some point, but I realized it was a mistake.

I will continue reading and give you anymore impressions I have of your story. So, you were into Grey, eh? I read the first one - for research purposes. I didn't really like it, but the author is an engaging writer. It's really easy to read and kinda just flows. The concept was pretty new at the time, too - at least in pop culture. However, the story in itself is not so great, and yes, the writer exploited the ideas.

CapDragon121