I liked it but only gave it 3 because I want more. Easy read, good characters so keep going...
You are fucking usless
First of all I was so glad that Mr Anonymous went straight in with the constructive comments. Not helpful to anyone!
What there was of your story was nicely told, but it stopped before it really got started. I hope there is more to come.
I see this is your first story at Literotica. Please add to the story,
As the other commenters noted, you need to flesh the story out. It seems a little rushed and the end is not wrapped up very well. However, thank you for noting with your character's backgrounder that students usually graduate from high school at age 17 and aren't usually 18 until post-secondary school.
Don't submit another chapter until you have something good developed, even if it takes a month. I'm rooting for you. Now go for it!
Trying to cheat by adding numerous submissions that should be done all in one go, perhaps! Well, you're going to get a One Star from me if you keep doing that. In any case, this submission is definitely no erotic!
Don't break down an erotic story into unnecessary instalments. That's very unwise.
There was hardly anything in this chapter and what I read was not hot at all.
I've never heard of coed dorm rooms, but okay:) surprised at the length too, but it's a fun start so far.
1. Nothing to the story. Way too short. Write more. When you post in installments this short you have no room to go back to change things in the beginning that make no sense when you get further into the story.
2. While some colleges have coed dorm rooms, I've never heard of one where they are randomly assigned... Maybe I'm just old though...
3. Let me get this right. Her parents drive their "sheltered", just turned 18 year old terrified daughter to college. Drop her off in the middle of the night and don't even help her carry up her bags?
Good erotica needs to be based in a consistent reality. I'm not sure what reality this story is in but it isn't one with which I'm familiar.
it is a good start to a story hope you add more to it
If you're going to invent an extremely unlikely scenario with coed dorm rooms and parents who allow their innocent young daughter to stay in one with a young man, you need to have some justification. Then you need to do something with it.
Should be under Non-Erotic.
Better still just forget all about it... unless the author has something substantial to offer in the next submission other that just a broken segment of trash.
a very sad story...
The characters are interesting, but the story needs to be fleshed out.
but it's only the beginning of the story. Need a middle and an end! :-)
I really loved how you set the scene, and I really want to read so more!!
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