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Natalie Gets Her "Daddy"

byTallhotblonde©
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Comments (12)
by Anonymous

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by Gunter9911/05/12

Fabulous!

A fabulous story with a tremendous ending!

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by Anonymous11/05/12

Well done

Well done Tall Blonde for your first time out of the gate. Keep them coming.

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entire story:

i've didn't actually read entire story.. i've can't actually read entire story
right now.. i'll have to read entire story another time.. what i've did read
outta the entire story --- excellent + fantastic + bravo + encore.. the only
complaint that i've got from what i've read being from entire story ;;;;
towards the beginning of entire story you said {{{about year ago she was 19}}}
"however" close to same area your saying {{{being around the time she's 27}}}....
huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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by Anonymous11/05/12

loved it

Would love to see this come true, at least with her friend and she watches me pound her friend. Don't have a daughter but these stories are so dam hot.

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by Anonymous11/05/12

Great

That was great and a good ending hope you write more to this if he thinks she is or still dont think its true

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by josephstevens11/06/12

Good Start!

Great first story....and lovely picture on bio! Thank you!

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by Anonymous11/06/12

Please have others read your stories before posting

Someone already caught the obvious about you being both 19 and 27 at the same time? Also, you might focus on the structure of your writing. Instead of "I'm Nicole I said." it should be written as "I'm Nicole", I said. Separate your quotes from indicating who is saying them.

Although there were numerous grammatical errors, the erotic thoughts came through clearly. Another suggestion would be to work on making the finish a little stronger (father's reaction, etc.). Does this hard-ass dad not give a shit and push her away? Does he fear a law suit is coming on? Does he see the familiar look on her face similar to his own?

Overall, it's a good first attempt. With a little tweaking and proof-reading, I think you'll do well. Best of luck to you.

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by happybrother11/06/12

good start

please continue with daddys' reaction, although i think she should have had him cum in her pussy before revealing who she actually was. that way she would've had the advantage of possible pregnancy. as it is right now, he can tell her to get out and never come back.

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by Anonymous11/06/12

get a fucking editor

seriously

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by imurddy11/07/12

close

Many errors -grammatical, too short, and dad went from her ass to her pussy without our knowledge. It could've been a great story, but you rushed it. Disappointed!

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by Anonymous11/07/12

dont give up!

yes there are problems, but---don't please give up for us! keep trying girl and certianly dont let any negative feedback get to ya! I enjoyed your story and ask ya to keep writing---! brian_kemme@yahoo.com

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by long-n-thick11/16/12

great first start!

As pointed out, the story could use some tightening up in some areas. But, overall, very good first submission! IT made me cum! I think you have a knack for it, and the more you write, the more you will improve. I hope you write more!

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