by demure101
and I think it's a lovely sonnet, but I'd lose the "unto," which sounds awkward to me. You could say "into its stop" or "until it stopped" or some such and not lose the rhythm. Just my opinion, and aside from that, I got nuthin but praise. :-)
And they're even worse when you know there might never be another hello! :(
You've evoked that sense very keenly in this description of a day that weeps for them as they part:
"She lightly touched my cheek and turned to board,
and still I stood and watched; and still it poured."
Finally made it to the end of the ‘A’s, set up base camp and the Sherpas are bring up provisions to support the full expedition to the summit. I am in my tent going over the long trek, making this my choice for the journey so far.
As always, it is a combination or marriage rather between the poignancy of the message and the dance by which it is expressed. Angeline may be right about ‘unto’ but I can live with it.
It has been interesting to see all the other poems. I feel I should take care in what I say but I do think you have progressed.