All Comments on 'One Full Moon Ch. 03'

Are we ever to know what ONE is besides a demon? One needs a name. So much easier to follow the story if he did... other than that, I liked it. :)

I really loved chapter 1 and thought I understood what was happening. Chapter 2 was also good, but I was nervous that the story would have a sad ending. Chapter 3 has me really confused. Who are the two brothers? Is Luna/Moon their sister? And I'm really lost about wolvens & warriors, different types of venom and 2 types of semen..

The storyline and your writing are fantastic. I hope you continue this story and spend more time filling in background and details.

they're grrrrrrrreat?

That took a really dark turn. I was horrified and had goosebumps on my skin. Wonderfully done. It was real. It was raw.

Why I love the story?

It's a beautifully written nightmare with a sorta happy ending- "The Nightmare before Christmas" - Your story evoked the same feelings that this movie did when I watched it in 10th grade. You should watch it if you haven't.

What to not love about the story?

It feels like an excerpt taken from a long saga. There is so much we don't know that is probably left in your head.

There are some amazing short stories which don't say much, leaving things to the readers imagination. Your problem is that you give a glimpse of what's there and decide to not elaborate. That only leaves a reader frustrated.

If you want the story to be just about the One and Luna/Moon, then just leave it like that. Discard anything that isn't necessary and make the three chapters into one. I'd think it would become one of the best short stories on Lit.

If you have or had a series in your mind, then write more :) - give a little more sense to the world.

Ex: Think about an alien reading these lines - "The dwarves fought against the giant. It was a great battle. Five dwarves and the giant died in the end." vs "The giant is so large that it usually takes an army of dwarves to fight against it. Six dwarves fought to kill it, five surrendering their lives in the process."

Forget about which sentence is considered as better writing. An alien would have no 'visual' of what's going in the first sentence. In the second, it would, even though it has no idea of what a giant or a dwarf is.

Your story is beautifully written because we have a perfect visual of Luna's and One's emotions. However, we do not have a 'visual' of the world they inhabit. (You may have done this intentionally to make the readers judge the characters irrespective of the world they live in, but that doesn't make reading fun.)

CapDragon121

Confusing, messy, grotesque. But despite this being decidedly not my thing kink-wise, it had me gripped. Rather like reading a snippet of an ancient saga whose context has been lost. Would love to hear about your other story ideas.