very sweet story.
A loving couple engaging in their fantasies. Nothing is better.
Nicely planned and delivered. As it stands it's a first rate tale of a loving couple that deserves lots of stars.
My only reservation is that you've now set up a situation where two dominant male friends have submissive wives. That is a situation which some authors might try to exploit with other kinds of experimentation - I just hope it doesn't go down that road.
Fantasy is fantasy, to be shared by a loving couple. If there is a second part hope it does not degrade.
It has been several decades since the movie 'The Stepford Wives'. In that, the wives were converted to slaves/robots involuntarily! In this, seemingly sweet, story, it is her choice, after a very tense session of power-exertion by both parties. I do not think a cave-in is a viable solution! However, the story is clear and competently written! Just not terribly erotic!
Pretty cool flash-story. I liked the concept, and the technical execution was high-quality. Although it was focussed on sex, and the concept was erotic, what struck me was the almost total lack of actual sex. A stroke-story without strokability. Like soft-core porn. Reminds me of that scene in Bachelor Party where the guys put on the stag film, only to find out the wives had editted out all the smut. The story had very few surprises for the reader (though hubby was suitably surprised); it was straighforward as can be. Given that, and the lack of hot action, it was more heartwarming than hot, more sweet than sizzling. Well written and polished, with nice attention to detail (not sure why we needed hubby's cock measurements, though). Could have been a truly hot tale with some of the X-rated bits included.
Every man's dream! The writing had a few grammatical weak spots, and I sometimes had to re-read a sentence to get its meaning, but I liked the style. It felt a little rushed, but all the details were there. And at the end, I almost cried. Keep writing!
but what happens if its tit for tat, TK U MLJ LV NV
On December 30th?
As a general rule, even when writing in the third person, changing the perspective from inside one main character to the other is awkward and lazy. Especially on a short tale, the reader should be inside only,one character's head. Writing the inner musings of both, back and forth, is a little, well, lazy.
Yep, it's fantasy - his well muscled chest, her "perfect breasts," whatever that means. 'Would prefer a touch more humanity as well as a good proof reading, as noted in other comments. That said, good start.
The comment on Dec 30 is that they were married on tha day and this Dec 30 it will have been for 5 years. Nothing about Christmas Eve being on Dec 30
This could be an interesting series if you choose. A little sloppy as noted by others below, but you have my attention! :-)
Would have been a lot better read with some badly needed editing.
So you are saying it was badly edited?
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