All Comments on '1BR Apt.'

by Member389

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  • 72 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Beautiful

I totally fell in love with the characters especially Lukes chivalrous attitude. I loved this story!

Jonny_BluelineJonny_Bluelineover 11 years ago
Fun Story!

You wrote a great little story and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The characters and scenes were within the realm of real life possibility. You do a good job of filling out your characters without going overboard on details.

Keep up the writing!

AverygoodlayAverygoodlayover 11 years ago
Great story

Great story, I really enjoyed reading it. it was sexual in a fun way.

I also was impressed with his manners, it's rare to find young men now days that act like gentlemen.

MRSheaMRSheaover 11 years ago
Very good!!

I hope you continue the story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
A beautiful story

Thank you for this! You're an excellent writer (even do pretty well on the spelling, which is rare for this site). The teasing makes this one of the most erotic stories I can remember, and it all makes for a delightful and sensuous read. And there are not very many Lukes around any more!

One thing puzzled me: she was on the pill but insisted he use a condom; OK. But if they made love several more times during the night, why did a condom not matter any more?

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
More!

This story was amazing! I really got into the story. I don't know if you have continued this story, so if you haven't, please do!

And yes I'm a guy

Member389Member389over 11 years agoAuthor
Anon 12/02

I'm going to call that an oversight on my part. I was working on three stories simultaneously. I had to laugh, since I consider it a rookie error on my part.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago

Amazing story!

Please add another chapter!

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
wow

Yeah this story is def amazing. Reminds me of somethings that have happened to me in the past.

and about what happened with the condoms after the first time.. i dont really see a need to go over the condoms as.... how hard is it to put on a condom? Lol

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
1BR Apt,

Exellent story. I think every young man has had the dream of something like this happening. Very well written and descriptive which allows the reader to almost see in their mind what is going on in the story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
More!

Loved it. You made all the characters perfect.please write more.

HansTrimbleHansTrimbleabout 11 years ago
Like a picture . . .

painted with a soft brush. You have a nice, light touch, dealing with matters that involve serious emotions without belaboring them. I enjoyed this tremendously and plan to read more of your stories.

AlkymistAlkymistabout 11 years ago
I'm torn...

I can't decide if I want another chapter to keep such a great story going, or if I want it to stand on its own rather than risk degenerating in to repetition as so many multi-chapter stories do on this site.

Well, maybe a little more wouldn't hurt. :)

Great writing and realistic characters. I'm glad it took time to build up and resemble something like real life. The VAST majority of stories on this site seem to just want to drop immediately in to unrealistic scenarios or responses. I suppose that's the difference between porn and erotica.

My only quibble (and this is just a personal preference) - I find stories that flip back and forth between points of view to be highly distracting and they yank me out of rhythm of the narrative. It is exponentially worse when it happens within the same paragraph. If you do choose to write in this style, I would recommend keeping the interior thoughts of the characters isolated into their own paragraphs or sections.

TonyM823TonyM823about 11 years ago
another chapter plz

This must have a finish we must see what happens when school ends as dad pointed out its her last year.

valentineladyvalentineladyabout 11 years ago
Gorgeous story

I loved it very romantic and very loving

Privates1stClassPrivates1stClassabout 11 years ago
Young love

This story brings back fond memories when I was nineteen, like Luke, being almost as innocent as him. I recall having my girlfriend sexually tease me, and me teasing her. Those were the days, and I long for them again.

Could you please add another chapter? A story this good demands a follow-on. We all want to know how Luke and Ellie's relationship evolved. Did she move on after graduation and dump Luke, or did their relationship develop and she had him design her own cafe? Please, we need another chapter (maybe two or three).

Thanks for posting your story.

TonyM823TonyM823almost 11 years ago
continue plz

Please find some time to do one more chapter for clousure this was a great story that needs an ending.

sharbetch808sharbetch808over 10 years ago
Will there be a chapter 2

I absolutely LOVE this story.. And i would be very said if you don't make another chapter to this.. I've read this story at least 10 times on my phone.. which is like 17 pages.. But its so freaking good.. Please write another story.

TonyM823TonyM823about 10 years ago
plzzzzx finish this

Please finish this story somebody.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Nice work!

Great feel good story. Thanks for sharing it. Like others, wouldn't mind if you added to it!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Wonderfully Done

I thoroughly enjoyed this story. It definitely deserves five stars! You did a amazing job of capturing the joy, intimacy, and bliss of new love and a first time relationship, while encompassing the sexual aspects in an articulate way that felt authentic. It was unique enough to be interesting, but still realistic. Great job!!!!

Lancelot55Lancelot55almost 10 years ago
Second / Third chapter needed!!!!

Please and someday soon add at least a second chapter to this great story. I will wait until you have added the second chapter before I ask for the third.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
story

I have read three of your stories and all 3 have left me wanting more. Funny thing is they aren't nasty just extremely sexy.î

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
only

2 more pages woulda been great tale-ing

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Watch the person

Can I just say that it's slightly annoying reading the first few pages and you keep switching from first person, Derek suddenly starts saying "I watched him slowly close the the door", to third person, "Derek and Luke had worked the entire summer on the..." These kind of inconsistencies really mess up a story and take the reader out of the story's entire movement.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago

Good story but only 4stars because of the lack of editing done :(

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Exquisite Detail, Right Pace

may appear slow moving, but exactly the right pace - also good attention to small details - seeing this couple evolve over time would be fun (for the writer too, of course !)

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
more

Please continue the story!!!

Tippy69Tippy69about 9 years ago

There were some mistakes but it overall it was a good story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
Hope you continue

I would love to see this couple grow and develop, hope you continue and soon!

rightbankrightbankalmost 9 years ago
I agree with Derek

She pulls the best out of him

He makes her very happy (content)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Would have loved to give it five stars

As others have said, there is a nice pace to the story, to the relationships, to the sex. Missing, however, were several key nouns or pronouns and some wrong verb tenses or verbs. If you take the time to read your stories out loud before posting them, you will catch the little buggers by their absence and the jar to your ear by the interrupted flow. If you type in Word, turn both the grammar check and spell check on and pay attention to green and red underscores.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Hickeys

Wow, an adult sex site and we get preteens and teens with hickeys. I thought this was an adult site. I've never gotten over the fact that seniors in high school were always 17, unless they failed a class or two, and having them at 18 and 19 never jells with the stories time frame and ages of the subjects. Does Europe or the Isles have different age for schools ? Loved this story and it flowed nicely from scene to scene, except the ending seemed out of place. Definitely a five gold star.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Love

I really enjoyed reading this. There's a natural development to their relationship many of these stories lack. It didn't feel like I was reading a porno script. I'd like to read more as their relationship progresses.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
GOOD STORY - BUT LACKS POLISH

This is an excellent example of how a really good and creative author can be held back by the lack of a competent editor! There are WAY too many spelling and punctuation errors - so many, in fact, that my enjoyment of reading the story was greatly diminished. I would have rated this at least four stars had the format been cleaned up; instead, I gave three stars.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Love it

I really enjoyed reading. Great job. Hoping for a part 2

J_RReaderJ_RReaderover 8 years ago
wonderfully romantic

The story devolopes well, I thought the moment where Ellie noticed hat she was falling in love with him whilst teasing him good, ok there were a few spelling mistakes and so but not sufficient to disturb the story, my main complaint is the title, what is 1BR Apr.: ?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago

Great story. Write part two and lose the condoms.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
Great Story!

What a great romantic / erotic story. It develops well, keeps your interest, develops the characters well and has an excellent ending . . . that begs a follow-up or continuation. Really good read!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
Wonderful Story!

love, gracious behavior, humor. everything one would ask for. hope it works out for them!

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago

Another great story with fun characters and a nice little story with some "heat". Another five for the effort. Thank you again for an entertaining love story. Much enjoyed.

jntiques

ag2507ag2507over 7 years ago
This ain't finished

Be a darling and write the conclusion - you fangled enough hints as to where it's going: do us a favour and get there.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Needs another chapter but great work

Really enjoy your writing, this a great story. Would be even better with a final chapter!!

XaldinLanceXaldinLanceabout 7 years ago

Would love to see this continued!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Incomplete

I think it's incomplete. Something's missing.

stattionstattionabout 7 years ago
Chapter 2 still in the works?

Hey. Great story :)

A couple of years back you mentioned you were thinking about writing a second a chapter for "1BR Apt." Is that still the plan?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago

Defiantly needs another chapter or two

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Another Chapter

Great but need to hear about Thanksgiving. Dad needs a chance like the rest of us old folk.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Hopefully the adventure has just begun

Excellent, first chapter!! Just waiting to see how the holiday trip goes.

SkinTicklerSkinTicklerover 6 years ago
I'm going to assume her aunt is single...

At least one more chapter is required. 14 would be great, but 1 or 2 more, PLEASE.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
More

Defiantly needs a follow up...Dad hooks up with aunt at B&B???

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Excellent

This is a very well written story. The character development and dialogue are excellent. The narration and descriptions of their interactions are very sweet and erotic.

There are some minor errors with punctuation that caused a little confusion and kept it from being perfect.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
I agree with Aon 9/16, Well Done

This could go several charterers, well written, characters well delveloped, could easily support multiple chapters. 5*

Slyyder74Slyyder74over 6 years ago
I don’t know

You are just the most amazing author. I don’t know what if you have plans to continue this story. I really hope you do.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

Still the best story on this site.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

I was really hoping for the sequel this Thanksgiving.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Excellent start.

Nicely rounded characters. Simply but clearly drawn.

Sweet and lovely sex.

A story with lots of promise.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
absolutely fantastic tale

need part 2

5 stars

AnonymousAnonymousabout 6 years ago
One of my favourites

I keep returning to your stories. This one is my favourite. Would love to see a second chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
GREAT STORY

Loved your story. It would make a great paperback book

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago

I've come back to this story a few times over the years and I was wondering if you ever planned to add to it? I know it wrapped up nicely but ellie is a firecracker and there is a ton of room here. I would love to follow this story down a few more winding roads

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago

Nice, sexy story... but I have the impression that you never proofread it after you finished writing it. As just one example, in the scene at the cafe, you spell the waitress’ name three different ways in the space of three paragraphs: Jody, Jodi, and Jodie. There are myriad other such issues as well, taking away from the quality of your story.

It’s really a good, sexy tale, and would be worth the time it would take to clean it up.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 3 years ago
I’m in love!

Wonderful character development and the flirty interactions made me smile. I loved how smart and sassy she was - confidently sexy and horny, but not slutty - that would have scared him off since he’s a gentleman (and a virgin). This way he’s falling in love with her as she clearly is with him - this is not just physical. Great balance of eroticism and romance. The condom was a nice caring touch - protection for both lovers. As a gentleman myself, i enjoyed the chase, the witty banter, the flirting, it was very charming and realistic, and sexy without being raunchy. Please continue this story and keep up the writing - you have a gift! The technical issues were a bit distracting, but you had far fewer issues than most stories on this site. Consider trying Grammarly.com - it’s an excellent resource for writers of any kind. Thank you for a thoroughly enjoyable story. Keep writing - you definitely have talent!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 3 years ago

Great story!

Please if you are able I would love to see more of these characters. There seems to be much of their future to be told.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

This demands a sequel!!!

dgfergiedgfergieabout 2 years ago

Nice little first time love story, I'm sure sequel will probably have Dad meeting a nice woman at the BnB.

Oldsofty1961Oldsofty1961almost 2 years ago

I gave it a three the reason for this is that you ened it to soon and left the dad hanging he is to young to live his life alone

DINGDONG33DINGDONG33about 1 year ago

Great story and excellent writing would like to see how Thanksgiving went and if they end up having a future.

MJExoertModeMJExoertMode9 months ago

I love it. All sweet & nice. Perfect.

AnonymousAnonymous3 months ago

I have not looked yet and don’t know when this was written but I Would love a few more chapters of this.

AndrewMarxAndrewMarxabout 2 months ago

Really great descriptive and funny writing. Your descriptions of the slow seduction between Ellie and Luke were spot on. I hope you continue the story.

kaotic2kaotic2about 1 month ago

This was really good. Thanks for writing and sharing it.

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