When you write in large blocks of narrative its kind of hard on the eyes. The story was good but... You might want to work on a better balance between the dialog and the narrative to help break that up a bit more. A lot of the things you were 'saying' you could have had your characters 'tell'.
Also try to keep narrative and dialog separate with a space between them. Also helps the eyes. The second to the last paragraph has that problem.
Like I said good story as far as the story part went.
That was a twist. Enjoyable.
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