by dj2020
ever heard of exclamation marks to see when somebody is talking?
please use them otherwise this is just a really bad read
You should have either thrown the bag in the trash or handed it back to her the next day. He was "suddenly submissive"? Don't think so. Would have had to know more before getting into that situation with a strange woman. Just say no.
He wanted to stay with the bitch? Given the personality you gave him, I just don't see that happening. Too implausible. And get an editor.
Some very harsh and unfair comments from other readers. I believe that when you offer criticism it should it should be constructive and not the jealousy of someone who is themselves incapable of writing even a poor story. As for italics for the speech it’s not necessary. He is telling what she said when they met and is describing what occurred which is entirely different from writing the story as it is happening. This type of unfair criticism is likely to put off forever a new writer.
I thought it was an interesting story told quite well.
I agree with the comments that it was an interesting and enjoyable story and that the criticism by other writers hiding behind anonymity are unwarranted.