by MrFaithful
lets hope the guilty paid also. TK U MLJ LV NV
One of the things I have learned from others here is to read things aloud. The first two stanzas of this have a sing song rhythm, but the third is off. Reworking the third stanza would help make this stronger. You could also probably cut out most of the "I" s for a sparser feel - try it and see. Just my opinion!
Thank you all for the feedback. As mentioned it was one of my earlier works based on a situation that I got myself stuck in. Thankfully no more but things tend to ebb and wade in ways beyond comprehension.