All Comments on 'Storm of Love'

.. what kind of name is Skye for a Victorian English girl?

You have to be VERY careful if you want to write a period piece. The character names, dialogue, and the narrative should reflect the period in which you set your tale. The erotica was very well crafted, but the story itself was lacking. I think you need to develop your characters more if you're going to make mention of some interior conflict also. Not a bad start, but plan carefully before submitting. Don't write something partway, give it 110%! :-)

I hate to make you feel more attacked about this, but as a history major especially the huge anachronistic mistakes bugged me immediately. Your dialogue is weirdly formal (which I would guess is an attempt to make it sound true to period) but I think you could use more normal sounding dialogue. However, the characters hadn't ought to be saying things like "hand job", "scarlet woman" etc in the 19th century. The names are a huge problem as well, not to mention where are the girl's parents/guardians?

The encounters between Storm and Skye were quite good, but the one between Skye and her friend seemed like an afterthought or something.

I hope you don't feel like all the criticism means your story is bad - I'm just trying to help you improve something that has a lot of potential.

I agree with your comments. I like to write in perfect English. It`s just an erotic story so I really didn`t try. The two girl scene was just something I decided to add. I just liked the names. Know a guy whose name was Storm and I found that unusual so I used that name. Skye is an English name and Storm is an Old English name.

To "Anon. 1/14/13" Please if you must criticize the wording with quotes from the Next chapter - Put it After the chapter you're quoting from! I reread this one trying to find how I missed the quoted statements - They aren't in this part of the story, but Ch.02!