All Comments on 'Can't Hardly Wait'

Great start, but you rushed the ending. Please expand on the intercourse, him slowly probing her with his 9in cock.

The middle of this story starts spicing up nicely. But the problem is it quickly gets rushed for whatever reason and then you start telling instead of showing us the action.

"Now, I don't have to worry about the cost of buying porn on his TV. We masturbate for each other until we can't stand it anymore, and then we fuck until we fall asleep or can't go on anymore. "

^^ This is lazy writing. So if you don't plan to write anymore leave it at the highest note where, in this story, she gives him oral to climax. If you're not going to descriptively fall into another scene of sex than don't tease us with a platitude.

Your writing style is very good and I rarely tell people this because usually it's not the case. lol Slow down and enjoy the writing, the characters, the mood, the scene, etc. If it's worth writing, it's worth writing slowly and imaginatively. ;-)

Also keep in mind that anticipation is what makes people horny at first, than delivering with the goods is what finishes them off ;)

Nicely done effort, but as others have said: slow down the ending next time. Also: the story wasn't hurt by lack of names, though more dialogue and dirty talk would be a definite plus.

I have submitted an edited version of this story. Most of the story is the same, but I worked on the ending a lot. Wound up adding about 500 more words, so hopefully it doesn't feel as rushed. I knew it was rushed when I posted it, but I just had to get it out of my system so I could write something else. It was written rushed... But I do hope y'all enjoy the edited one when it posts. :)